Synagogues have launched many targeted programs and events to attract and retain members, like singles shabbatons, newlywed couples get togethers, young families minyanim, senior citizen lectures, bowling leagues, game nights, baseball teams and, of course, opportunities to learn together in the beit midrash. Congregation Ahavas Achim in Highland Park has had them all.
Recently, the shul offered a new get together for empty nesters. Initiated by members Merri Ukraincik and Brondy Strassman, the event drew approximately 100 parents on Shabbat afternoon to discuss the topic. Participants enjoyed food from Giddy’s of East Brunswick as the program got underway.
Shul member Dr. Susan Hornstein offered a dvar Torah where she compared the maturation of single personalities at the beginning of the Torah to the creation of the nation of Israel. In her words, “In our parsha, Bamidbar, a whole new generation of leaders is introduced, the Nesi’im, the princes of the tribes. To me this is like a family maturing and evolving, the people who were once the focus (the elders) are passing on the focus to the next generations.
“When we are newly married, we have our own identities, and as our kids get older we are ‘Aviva’s daddy,’ and ‘Eitan’s mommy.’ As the kids become adults, they have their own identities entirely separate from ours. We don’t hear about the identities of the sons of Jacob seeping into the action here; at most they are family names for this current generation. These tribes are launched. The nation is new. They even do things that their forebears probably wouldn’t approve of, like spy out the land and discourage their compatriots from entering. And those characteristics of the original sons, displayed in Jacob’s blessings before his death, have little or nothing to do with the lives of their families now.”
Shul member Jeffrey Korbman joined Hornstein to help facilitate discussions. Everyone was presented three questions to discuss at each table.
The empty nest topics were:
How has your identity changed?
What have been the challenges you’ve faced?
What new opportunities have been created with an empty nest?
As Korbman and Hornstein moved from table to table, these are a few of the comments they overheard referring to the three issues. Having an empty nest has been:—A chance to either pursue new hobbies, such as cooking, traveling, gardening and learning, which there was less time for in the past;—A sense of freedom in coming and going;—Eating on the couch while watching TV;—The “nest” is never really “empty.” They keep coming back. And when they do, it is like a tornado touched down in the kitchen;—There are less shoes lying around;—The worry never dissipates. If anything, it’s harder because they are both farther away and, supposedly, adults;—Great when they come to visit. Relief when they leave.
Despite the differences in opinions and experiences, having a full room of empty nesters hatched into an enjoyable Shabbat afternoon that may take flight again sometime in the future.
By Milton Erdfarb
