This past Shabbos my family and I had the privilege of being invited to be guests Friday night at a Yachad shabbaton in Teaneck. I always enjoy my time with Yachad and look forward to seeing “old friends” from Yachad shabbatons with Yavneh, from the Yachad members who volunteered weekly with our students organizing the Yavneh Lost and Found, and seeing those who have been with us at our Chesed Team Chanukah parties and other Chesed Team events. It is also a huge source of nachas for me as I see Yavneh graduates who have become advisors and are working for Yachad. (And, as a parent, seeing my son who is a Yachad coordinator running some of the programming was a huge source of pride!)

For those who have ever attended a Yachad shabbaton or perhaps an NCSY shabbaton, you would know that there is something called “circle time” where everyone brings their chairs into a circle after the meal and they sing songs before bentching. Many schools and camps have adopted this practice as well. Some of the songs are Shabbos songs and some of them are the participatory “camp-like” songs. I enjoy the yearly “Pizza-man,” “Introduce yourself,” “Down By the Bay” songs, just to name a few. A Yachad shabbaton is just not complete without them!

There is one song/cheer that has changed over my years of attending shabbatonim. When someone gets up to start a new song, or say a dvar Torah, people cheer, “You look so beautiful, as usual, inside and outside and all around.…” The song used to end with “Especially your hair, and everything you wear, your shoes, and everything you choose, etc.” But the past few years it has ended with “Especially your neshama.” The first time I heard it struck me — what a perfect ending for a Yachad song!

At Yachad, all that matters is the neshama that everyone has inside. It doesn’t matter how cool you are, what you’re wearing, whether you are in honors classes, or if you made the basketball team. It doesn’t matter if you are popular or you aced your standardized testing or even got into the high school of your choice. All that matters is your neshama — the beautiful soul that Hashem has granted each and every one of us. Every Yachad member truly feels that he/she has an incredible neshama because of the way they are treated at Yachad. They are treated as if there is no one better!

And, that is why I encourage our students at Yavneh to get involved in organizations like Yachad. Because that feeling that you have an incredible neshama and no one is better rubs off on the volunteers and advisors, and frankly, on the teachers who attend, as well. One leaves a shabbaton or a Yachad event feeling that everyone deserves to be treated with respect, honor and love, as the Yachad motto aptly expresses, “because everyone belongs.” Not only is it good for the Yachad members when our students volunteer, but it is good for our children as well. One cannot help but leave a Yachad event feeling that he/she matters and can make a difference.

There are numerous research-based benefits of getting involved in chesed activities for our children: higher self-esteem, an opportunity to foster leadership skills, to create friendships and being kind improves happiness from the “helper’s high.” Research also indicates lower levels of stress and improved physical and mental health among those who volunteer. But it is not just the results found in that research that explains why getting involved in Yachad makes our children feel better about themselves. Yes, while boosting the self-esteem of the Yachad members, the volunteer’s self-esteem is boosted as well. But, it’s more than that. It’s about the fact that at Yachad our volunteer students enter an environment where no one is judged. Everyone is accepted. And, everyone is amazing.

That is the success of Yachad. No judging. No one acts condescending or cliquey to another. Everyone belongs!

In the next few weeks we read of the story of Yoseph and his brothers. The pasuk in Bereishit 37:2 describes Yoseph

וְה֣וּא נַ֗עַר אֶת־בְּנֵ֥י בִלְהָ֛ה וְאֶת־בְּנֵ֥י זִלְפָּ֖ה נְשֵׁ֣י אָבִ֑יו וַיָּבֵ֥א יוֹסֵ֛ף אֶת־דִּבָּתָ֥ם רָעָ֖ה אֶל־אֲבִיהֶֽם׃…

… as a helper to the sons of his father’s wives Bilhah and Zilpah. And Joseph brought bad reports of them to their father.

The Midrash Tanchuma Vayeishev 7 describes a special quality of Yoseph that these words are stressing:

וּמָה אָמַר לוֹ. רַבָּנָן אָמְרֵי, אָמַר לְאָבִיו, שֶׁהֵן נוֹהֲגִין בִּבְנֵי בִלְהָה וְזִלְפָּה מִנְהַג עֲבָדִים וְקוֹרִין אוֹתָן עֲבָדִים, וַאֲנִי נוֹהֵג בָּהֶן מִנְהַג אַחֲוָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: וְהוּא נַעַר אֶת בְּנֵי בִלְהָה וְאֶת בְּנֵי זִלְפָּה וְגוֹ’.,

What did he tell Jacob? Our rabbis maintain that he told his father: They treat the children of Bilhah and Zilpah as though they were servants. They call them servants, but I act toward them as one does to a brother, as it is said: Even with the sons of Bilhah and with the sons of Zilpah (ibid., v. 2).

Yoseph was upset with the way the sons of Leah were treating the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah. They were condescending. They thought they were better. Yoseph, on the other hand, treated them with respect “because everyone belongs.” This is definitely a lesson to point out at the Shabbos table when you discuss the Yoseph story.

The Sacks-Herenstein Center for Values and Leadership sent out an article last week written by Dr. Erica Brown on the word of the week: “Belonging.” Brown noted that “belonging is one of the most basic human needs … Belonging offers us a framework to be part of something greater than ourselves; we often discover ourselves in relation to others.” I think this line typifies a by-product of involvement in Yachad. It creates a sense of belonging for both the Yachad participants and the volunteers, who thereby often discover themselves and their inner talents and strengths. Time and again I have seen Yachad volunteers and advisors/coordinators find their hidden talents at Yachad.

Brown then quoted a selection from the article in Tradition by Rav Soloveitchik called “The Community.”

“Quite often a man finds himself in a crowd of strangers. He feels lonely. No one knows him, no one cares for him, no one is concerned about him. It is an existential experience. He begins to doubt his own ontological worth. This leads to alienation from the crowd surrounding him. Suddenly someone taps him on the shoulder and says, ‘Aren’t you Mr. So-and-so? I have heard so much about you.’ In a fraction of a second his awareness changes. What brought about the change? The recognition by somebody, the word!”

Yes, in Yachad everyone is recognized and noticed. Everybody is a somebody.

Let us remember as parents to model this sense of “everyone belongs” to our children as well in the way we treat everyone we meet. Our children need to get the direct message from us that “in our home, we are inclusive and we treat everyone with respect.” Every day can be a Yachad shabbaton — in the Yavneh lunchroom, on the bus, during recess, in shul on Shabbos, at a bar mitzvah. And, of course, let us encourage our children to get involved in organizations like Yachad where they remind us that everyone has a beautiful neshama, as Mordechai Shapiro aptly sings in his song “B’Yachad”  (some lyrics are below).

I like to be with friends

And to connect with them

I like to feel that I belong

We aren’t quite the same

But really that’s okay

I know that we can get along

‘Cause both you and I

See the same blue sky

We’re under one star

Let’s bridge the distances

Forget our differences

Wherever we are

I like when people see

The good I have in me

We all can give in our own way

Let’s spread the love around

Our differences don’t count

Let’s make the world a better place

We can all sing

We can all sing

We can all sing B’yachad, yachad

We’re creating B’yachad

It’s a special harmony

By Dr. Aliza Frohlich