Sunday, September 25, 2022

Thanksgivnukkah is just around the corner. The term which combines the two holidays of Thanksgiving and Chanukah has invaded the lexicon and is seemingly everywhere. In fact, I just did a Google search for Thanksgivnukkah and as soon as I hit the letter u, the term came up. Google informed me that there are about 35,200 results.

So, maybe it’s just me, but I am not down with this whole Thanksnukkah thing. Yes, I think the saying is catchy and hope whoever came up with it is being well compensated. And yes, I think it’s interesting that it won’t occur again for 70,000 years. But I still don’t like it.

I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite American holiday. I love the food. I love the football. I love everything about the holiday. How am I going to fit Chanukah into this great day? I foresee problems.

Let’s talk about the food. Thanksgiving dinner is one of the best meals of the whole year. Bring me the stuffing, muffins and sweet potatoes. I love it all. Now, somehow I’m supposed to add a potato latke to this starch party? Must I also have apple sauce with that? What’s Rashi thinking? What I really want to know is how that latke is going to fit on my plate and does anything have to be removed.

Then there’s dessert; can’t forget dessert. After all, I am Jewish. Anyway, I love pumpkin pie and pecan pie. So, at the end of a decadent fat-filled meal, I face a dilemma. Which of the delicious seasonal pies shall I choose? TRUTH—I often take both. It ain’t easy, but I work it out. Now, I have to add a jelly donut into my routine. I might have to buy new pants after the holiday.

After the meal, I love to settle down and watch some football. Actually, that’s about all I’m capable of after the massive intake of food. Now, are you telling me I have to sing the brachos over the menorah and Maos tzur? I’m a barely passable shower singer on my best day. Now you stuff me and expect me to sing on tune and with kevanah? I don’t think so.

Then, I have to sit on the floor with the children and spin a dreidel? My crystal ball tells me one of two things will occur. Either, I fall into a deep tryptophan induced sleep where the only miracle I am dreaming of is how I am going to make it up to my bed, or I will struggle to get down or up from the floor. Hey, don’t judge. It’s not easy maneuvering in those suddenly tight pants.

Now, I’m not against combining holidays as a rule. As a matter of fact, I have a great idea. How about Purim and St. Patrick’s Day? Both holidays involve alcohol. There’s a symbiotic relationship. I would be just fine to have green beer with my hamantaschen.

Look, Chanukah is supposed to be in the winter. That’s all there is to it. We need winter holidays. What do we have to look forward to now—Tu b’Shvat?

By Larry Bernstein

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