Last week, I wrote about how the mesivta that I teach in recently got wind of a New Jersey law that five teachers in each school have to be certified in first aid, including CPR, the Heimlich, and the use of an AED. And we needed a course, because some of us, such as myself, had no idea what an AED is. It sounds dangerous.
So the mesivta hired an official instructor who came in with handouts and dummies of various sizes. The idea of the course was to practice bringing the dummies to life. We were unsuccessful.
But we definitely learned a lot. A lot of people assume that they know this stuff. (“What? I breathe and I push! I’ve been breathing my whole life!”) But there’s a lot we don’t even realize we don’t know. We don’t know the science, for example. Like the person’s heart gave out, but you’re pushing on the ribs, not even directly over the heart, and the heart is like, “Oh, right. Okay, I’ll take it from here. Sorry, everybody!”
And even if we do know it, we can always use a review. So here’s a bunch of stuff that I learned. Obviously, this is a very serious matter, but the idea here is that if this inspires you, I urge you to actually look into taking a course yourself and not just rely on a humor column.
CPR is not really mouth to mouth anymore, ever since the scientific discovery that if you tell people to do mouth to mouth on a random person they find on the floor, there will be some hesitation. Also, science has recently discovered that people mostly breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, so you’re not really breathing out what the victim needs to breathe in. So maybe you’re better off shoving a plant in his face.
So instead of having us put our mouths on his dummies, the instructor gave us each a resuscitation mask that we’d have to carry around to school every day until the end of time that we could run and grab in an emergency. But that’s not considered hesitation.
Basically, the resuscitation mask is this triangular thing that fits around the victim’s mouth and nose, provided you create a seal with both hands, leaving you with zero hands free, and you’re putting all of your weight on his face. But he’s not complaining, and then you breathe into this little tube at the top. I don’t know how this solves the carbon dioxide problem.
When you come across an unconscious victim, you don’t just jump in and start doing CPR. There’s a whole procedure you have to do first while the person isn’t breathing.
Always defer to the highest-ranking rescuer in the room. So for example, you can say, “I’m certified in CPR via a humor column I read one time,” and if no one else claims anything higher, may Hashem be on your side.
You also want to make sure the person is not breathing. You can’t just assume people aren’t breathing and start CPR, because there are other reasons a student can be unconscious. There are multiple things that can happen in my classroom, for example, that could cause unconsciousness, like when the students do pullups on the heating pipe that goes across the ceiling. (Apparently, I teach in a prison.) In fact, at any given point while I’m teaching, someone in the room is unconscious. And you can’t start resuscitating every student who’s asleep or you’ll never get anything done.
CPR is meant to be used when the victim is not breathing and does not have a pulse, and is not responsive. That said, not every victim needs CPR. Sometimes the victim is not breathing but still has a pulse, so he doesn’t need it. But that doesn’t mean you should just walk away. You still have to do breathing stuff. It’s important to check.
If he does not have a pulse but is breathing, the American Heart Association recommends you check again, because that’s impossible. Except that the instructor then had everyone put two fingers under their jawline to check themselves for a pulse, and the teacher next to me could not find one, thus conclusively proving the instructor wrong.
That said, it’s very important that you learn how to find a pulse, because otherwise you say, “This guy has no pulse!” and you start CPR, and he’s lying there saying, “But I never have a pulse!”
According to the instructor, all breathing and compressions need to be done on the floor. That said, if you have knee issues, you may put the person on a table. Unless you have back issues. Put your ear to the victim’s mouth and listen for breathing. You also know he is breathing if your glasses fog up. At the same time, while you’re down there, feel for a pulse. Do this for 10 seconds.
A good pulse, the instructor said, is about 80 beats per minute. That said, you cannot spend an entire minute while the victim is not breathing counting to 80. You have to listen for 10 seconds and then whip out a calculator. Divide 80 in your head, and then figure out what a third of a breath sounds like.
Holding the mask in place, do a full breath out into the mask. You don’t need to breathe in, as the victim does not need help breathing out. That is never the problem.
With adults, you do one breath every 5-6 seconds. With kids, it’s more often. Kids breathe more, apparently, which allows them to cram more movement into every moment of the day.
And all this is if the victim is unconscious. You don’t want to do CPR if the victim is conscious, as he may not be cooperative.
Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published eight books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at [email protected].
