It’s time to get the air buzzing, and Moshe comes to inform Pharaoh of the upcoming eighth plague of locusts if Pharaoh once again refuses the emancipation of the Jews. After Moshe delivers the strong warning, the pasuk says “and he turned, and left from Pharoah” (10:6). Where did Moshe “turn” to, and why does it matter? Additionally, what’s the significance of knowing that Moshe “left” Pharaoh—isn’t it obvious that he left at some point?

The Midrash (S”R 13:14, with Etz Yosef’s commentary) explains that after Moshe confronted Pharaoh and gave his warning of the impending plague if Pharaoh would refuse to heed, Moshe noticed that Pharaoh’s ministers were discussing the matter between themselves. Moshe “turned” towards them to hear what they were discussing, and heard them actually believing Moshe’s words. Thereupon Moshe “left” immediately in order that they come to a confirmation that the right thing to do is to adhere to Moshe and thus they would do teshuva.

It seems evident from the midrash that Moshe felt satisfied if Pharaoh’s ministers were to believe in Moshe and therefore do teshuva. Why would it matter if the ministers would do teshuva? Isn’t it ultimately all about Pharaoh doing teshuva? Perhaps we can suggest that although it is indeed all about Pharaoh repenting and giving in, Moshe realized that he himself wouldn’t be able to directly influence Pharaoh for the better. Instead, his hopes were for at least Pharaoh’s ministers to make a turnaround, and if they reconsidered their ways, they would ultimately be able to influence Pharaoh to concede to Moshe. Yet we can ask further, why would Pharaoh’s ministers be more influential than Moshe Rabbeinu?

I wonder if we can explain as follows: Sometimes we want to help someone change from a pattern of self-destructive behavior, be it in relation to them engaging in that which is physically harmful or that which is spiritually unhealthy. Whatever the case may be, we want what’s best for them, and of course what is best for everyone at large and those whom that person may be affecting. Certainly this may need an acute awareness of sensitivity and tact, and much of that may be because it can be quite difficult for one to hear they are doing something wrong. Moreover, when someone tells them they are doing something not good, it no longer becomes a matter of right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, but the person on defense may entertain an egoistic crisis by feeling dominated by the criticizer and therefore on a lower pedestal than he or she. Hence, once these defenses are up, the continuation of the interaction may just be a futile process.

Pharaoh wants the Jews, and he wants the success of his kingdom. Moshe is coming relentlessly to Pharaoh and indiciating to him quite strongly that his ways are dead wrong. For Pharaoh to listen to Moshe takes a massive amount of submission and admission that he was wrong. It’s hard enough to admit one is wrong, but to admit it to the person critiquing you can be far more difficult. But if Pharoah’s ministers realized the truth, then he might in fact listen to them, for they are in a very similar situation as Pharaoh—they, too, want the Jews, and they, too, want the success of the kingdom. Pharaoh would have a much easier time giving in to them than giving in to Moshe. And once Pharaoh would reconsider his ways based on his ministers’ persuasion, he would “independently” change his ways and give in to Moshe without making it seem like it was Moshe who got him to change his ways. In this way, Pharoah could at least spare his ego.

This can also explain the peculiarity of why once Moshe heard Pharaoh’s ministers believing him, he left immediately in hopes that they would do teshuva. Why didn’t he stay longer to see if they would actually follow through? Perhaps here as well, if Moshe stayed on the scene, the ministers wouldn’t be able to reconsider their ways, for this would require them to admit they were wrong right in front of the person who is criticizing them.

We perhaps see from this midrash an insight into the sensitive dynamic that takes place when criticizing another. More than just being wrong, the real challenge can be if the one being criticized feels their esteem being diminished. We may know a lot of information on how to help others. And it’s true that people care how much you know. But, to sincerely help a person change and want to change may first require us to avoid any power struggle the other person may entertain as a result of our assistance, while also showing our care for them.

Binyamin Benji is a graduate of Yeshivat Rabbeinu Yitzchak Elchanan and Wurzweiler School of Social Work. He can be reached at [email protected].