It begins before babies are even born.
Some concerns I consider total nonsense. Will the doctor who I have the most admiration for in the practice be present at the birth? Hopefully the mohel who I know “does the best job” will be available on the day that I need him (assuming one knows the sex of the baby). Did I buy the best stroller/infant seat in the most popular color? Will the baby’s room be ready for when I get home from the hospital? One could say these things are total foolishness (narishkeit) but there are definitely people who are concerned about them.
Why isn’t the baby rolling over yet? How come he or she has not smiled at me? My sister in law’s baby is already doing that. He’s crawling, babbling, walking and mine isn’t. There seems to be a genetic trait in the Jewish parent to do nothing but worry.
As they get older different concerns take over. Does he need therapy? He seems to hesitate when speaking. Is that stuttering? Oh no, he is picking up things with difficulty, should we run to see an OT? Or maybe his steps are slightly crooked … call the PT. It just goes on and on throughout the development of our children. I guess my children were greatly deprived. They seem pretty ok to me.
It just continues throughout the years. Which school, who are his friends, why can’t the teacher or camp counsellor understand how brilliant he is? How can I ensure that he is good enough for the junior varsity, why didn’t he grow more, how come he prefers science to sports, what’s wrong with him? Think about the ridiculous amount of time that is spent on all of these concerns.
It continues throughout their lives, and do not think it ends as an older child. Parents are built with an innate ability to spend half of their waking and sleeping hours wasting time on many extremely trivial matters no matter what the age of their child. Which college, which shidduch, what colors, is he or she really good enough for my “tatele,” and “oh how I wish he or she would have concentrated more on their diet while growing up so they do not give the wrong impression.” I’m sure by now you all understand what I am talking about.
Last Shabbat at lunch I had the opportunity to meet a lovely Israeli couple visiting their daughter who is a “bnot sherut” this year at one of the local schools. I found it to be so interesting to listen to what their perspective is on raising children in Kfar Maimon, which is very close to Netivot. They heard it all on October 7 and were eventually evacuated to the Plaza Hotel in Yerushalayim. Upon hearing where they were displaced many who were present expressed oohs and aahs about moving to such a luxurious place and I wondered to myself how anyone could possibly think that there is anything special about being evacuated from your beautiful roomy home to a hotel room (maybe two if you are lucky), surrounded by no semblance of home whatsoever. They actually spoke of the enormous amount of chesed which was directed towards them. Large families had nowhere to do their laundry and immediately there were women who would take their laundry to their houses and bring it back to them. Each time with an “extra” in their bags—sometimes a new article of clothing or a special box of chocolate— and always with a friendly smile and expression of gratitude to the evacuee that they are given the opportunity to help them. They have now returned to their homes.
Their concerns and worries are so very different from some of those mentioned at the start of my article. From the time they are very young their children are raised with the concept of the holiness of where they live and what they can do for their country. Their young teen son entered a special program in high school preparing him for one of the most elite forces in the IDF. (I believe Duvdevan.) On October 7 this young man put on his training uniform and was prepared to do whatever he could to protect all of them. We are talking about a boy who is about 15. They are not concerned about his summer camp, high school environment, how much he weighs in order to impress someone. Their pride is in who he has chosen to become of his own volition.
When I meet families such as this one and the many others that I met last January during my visit, I am overwhelmed with their down to earth realistic emunah and bitachon. They have no time to be concerned about the small stuff. They mentioned to me that the entire community and surrounding communities are attending individual and group therapy sessions which are paid for by the Israeli government. Kudos to the government of Israel for recognizing the need for this vital initiative. The past 15 months cannot be fathomable to us vis a vis what these families have been through.
We need to continue to support all of them and perhaps to learn that worrying is a luxury which we spend too much time doing unnecessarily.
Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected].
