Big Brother is watching. There are cameras everywhere. There are traffic cameras at red lights and crosswalks, security cameras around people’s homes, cameras in malls and supermarkets...they are all over the place. There to keep us safe, to send us unwanted tickets and to make sure we aren’t stealing the kosher turkey that we should be entitled to, but never are.
And then there are the more obvious cameras, the ones that are taking pictures at weddings and bar mitzvas, the ones that are on people’s phones as they snap away selfies and other milestones of the human race. Then there are the television cameras. These cameras bring us the news, good and bad, and if they get the right shot, they help teach us a valuable lesson. What is that lesson? Keep a smile on your face or you will pay the consequences. Let’s explore further.
Knowing full well that many of you do not agree with me, I am still proud to say that I am a fan of Chris Christie. Stop booing.. OK, I will wait. Are you done? OK. Yes, I am a fan of Christie. This has more to do with his struggle with his weight than his actual political beliefs, but that is neither here nor there. Someone, somewhere, had it in for him, Bridgegate happened and his presidential dreams were dashed with doom and gloom. I was sad because I thought he could do great things for the country. I was also sad because it appears that he is not taking advantage of his weight loss surgery. I am also sad because he has recently endorsed the joke-of-a-candidate, otherwise known as Donald Trump (that actually hurt to write). In any event, the other night, Christie was standing behind his candidate and the camera caught him making weird faces at the back of Trump’s head. It was pretty funny, but then the media turned it into a whole “what was he thinking?” segment. And he probably was thinking all of the things they mentioned. “So that is how his hair stays on.” “I can’t believe I have to vote for this guy.” “When will it be my turn?” And, my personal favorite, “How did he eat all that pasta and not gain an ounce?” So the lesson here is don’t make weird faces at the man running for president. If you think you might, stand next to him, not in back of him. Life lesson.
This brings us to Bill Clinton. Have you seen his facial expressions as he looks at Hillary? Oy. Oy. Oy. It looks like a man who might just be thinking of all of the interns who have been in and out of his office. It is painful. Why can’t he just gaze at her with love and pride? Oh, I get it...no love and “Really Hillary? You haven’t emasculated me enough?” There you go. Someone needs to talk to Bill.
And now for the segment about us regular folk. It you sit on the aisle at a wedding, chances are, you are going to be caught on camera. Please remember to sit appropriately with your legs crossed. Just saying.
When dancing in the big circle, remember pictures are being taken. Just smile. Do not whisper something to the person next to you, do not make a face at the person’s dress in front of you, just smile. When you go into the middle of the circle to dance with the host of the simcha, keep smiling. No eye rolling, no “I would rather be at home in my pajamas” face, just smile. If you are not used to smiling, which, unfortunately, many of you aren’t, practice at home. Because when the proofs come back, we know which ones of you ran out early, we know who was not happy with their table, we know who is being cut from the next list. So just SMILE!
Yes, there are cameras everywhere. So put on some decent clothes, run a comb through whatever hair you have and put on a happy face—because you never know who is watching!
By Banji Latkin-Ganchrow
Banji Ganchrow is seriously considering running for president. It cannot get much worse, so she feels it might be worth a shot.