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Monday, July 26, 2021
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My wife and I dutifully tossed out our multiple pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. We then immediately realized we had a huge gap in our lives that needed to be filled with analogous alternatives to our favorite flavors.

We did what any rational couple would do: support every other kosher ice cream company in the world by sampling all their flavors and determining which of them were the best alternatives/substitutes/copycats/knockoffs to B & J’s flavors. After gaining 23 pounds apiece in just one week, we are proud to provide everyone with this necessary public service, and our handy chart. The list is ordered according to B & J’s own 2020 list of their top flavors. Twenty-one of their 52 varieties were tested, because migosh, enough already!

 You're cherry welcone! 

Martin Bodek is the author of The Emoji Haggadah, The Festivus Haggadah, and The Coronavirus Haggadah, and is suddenly in desperate need of a crash diet.

 

B & J’s Flavor

Closest Kosher Alternative

Half Baked

Belmont’s Brookie Dough

Cherry Garcia

Baskin Robbins’ Cherry Jubilee/Belmont’s Thank You Cherry Much

Chocolate Fudge Brownie

Belmont’s Make Fudge Not War/Häagen Dazs’ Chocolate  Chocolate Chip

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Häagen-Dazs’ Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Tonight Dough

Belmont’s For Real Dough

Phish Food

Belmont’s Turtley Awesome

Strawberry Cheesecake

Belmont’s Swirlin’ Strawberry

Americone Dream

Breyers’ Waffle Cone

Chunky Monkey

Belmont’s Banana Bonanza/Haagen Dazs’ Banana Peanut Butter Chip

Peanut Butter Cup

Belmont’s My Peanut Butter Half

P.B. Dough

Halo Top’s Peanut Butter Cup

Vanilla

Kirkland’s Vanilla

Pistachio Pistachio

Häagen-Dazs’ Pistachio

Caramel Core

Häagen-Dazs’ Caramel Cone

Salted Caramel Brownie

Häagen-Dazs’ Salted Caramel Brownie  

Cinnamon Buns

Breyers’ Cinnabon

Coffee Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz! 

Edy’s Espresso Chip

Peanut Butter Cup

Breyers’ Rees’’s Peanut Butter Cups

Mint Chocolate Cookie

Häagen-Dazs’ Mint Chip/Breyers’ Mint Chocolate Chip

Gimme S’more!

Breyers’ S’mores

Milk & Cookies

Häagen-Dazs’ Cookies & Cream

 

By Martin Bodek

 

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