The Gemara in Sota says that finding a shidduch match/soulmate) is like the splitting of the sea. Many peopleI know who are looking to get married feel that, at times, dating and finding the person who is meant for them is extremely hard. People have their list, and that list seems like it’s never going to materialize. Well, I have a question for you: Is that list okay?
In this week’s parsha, Emor, Hashem gave the Kohanim their list. The Kohanim are told what type of people they can’t marry, which makes finding a soulmate harder.
So are these lists okay? Well, Hashem did it!
As a person who had a list, I will tell you I think keeping a list is permitted to some extent. Hashem’s list was to help elevate the Kohanim and bring them closer to Him. When our lists become only about physicality, looks, age, job, cultural background (Sephardi and Ashkenazi), etc., I truly believe that is a problem. Yes, you need to have attraction, but will the person always look amazing, even in old age? A job and parnassa (financial stability) is up to Hashem; Hashem can give and take money whenever He chooses. Age is but a number; one can be young and ready for marriage and older and not mature enough. As for background, while it would be nice already to know the customs and languages of your spouse, we can learn these because a Jew is a Jew. Tefillah, tefillin, hair covering, Shabbat and kosher are the things we need to be focusing on and maybe even be willing to grow stronger in those areas.
Why am I saying this? At first glance, while looking at what Hashem told the Kohanim, I assumed there must have been a big shidduch crisis but there was no crisis. This list that Hashem gave was supposed to help build a connection to Him and the future spouse. What is the purpose of our lists? We need to choose the things that help us get closer to Hashem, and I truly believe that is the message of the splitting of the sea. The Midrash tells us that the sea split when Nachshon ben Aminadav walked into the sea almost up to his neck. With each step he took further into the sea, Nachshon was choosing to get closer to Hashem and to trust in Him. When we don’t only look at the physicality (which still is important) and look more at the spirituality; when we trust that all these things are going to come from Hashem and trust that when it’s the right time it will happen, the sea will split. May all of Am Yisrael get closer to Hashem. May all those looking for a shidduch have the sea split for them. May they find their shidduchim with ease and clarity.
Shira Sedek is a passionate educator in the Ramaz Middle School and loves teaching her students and all those around her.
