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Wednesday, January 20, 2021
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For too long has our community paper been plagued with over-discussed topics like the tuition crisis, COVID-19, new Teaneck restaurants and the tuition crisis. This leaves equally important topics fallen by the wayside. It is high time these issues are brought to the forefront.

Mr. Schmutter (if that is your real name): Week after week, my 7-year-old daughter asks me “Tatty, my king, why are you crying at the Shabbos table? My morah told us that crying on Shabbos is assur!” I try to give an answer, but I choke on my words between sobs. You see, after reading Mr. “Schmutter’s” weekly column, I am brought to tears of laughter. My belly hurts, my side hurts, muscles I never knew I had hurt. The endless jokes contained in his column each week hit so close to home, I am genuinely nervous Mr. Schmutter has hacked my indoor security system, which I purchased 20% [off] from Amazon thanks to DansDeals.

Mordechai (I’m sorry but I can’t say Schmutter again. You know when you say a word too much it doesn’t sound like a word anymore? Especially a word that doesn’t sound like a word to begin with.), as we close the books on 2020, a year most of us agree should be buried deep in the history books, I plead that you try to be sensitive to those of us struggling during these times, and try not to distract us with your spot-on, perfectly timed and well-delivered humor. Humor may be the best medicine, but are you FDA approved?

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P.S. Your pizza bit last week was amazing.

Name Withheld Upon Request
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