This past week our yeshiva, Heichal HaTorah, marked and celebrated its 12th annual dinner. It was a beautiful event, but also quite emotional as it was dedicated to the memory of our late, beloved menahel (principal), Rabbi Avi Oberlander z”l.
Rabbi Oberlander had a deep love for Shabbos Kodesh. To that end, in conjunction with the dinner, the yeshiva produced a magnificent music album entitled, “Shabbos with Rebbe,” featuring our talmidim singing Shabbos zemiros.
In addition, I had the privilege to facilitate the publication of a sefer, entitled “Zemiros Heichal Avrohom.” Alongside the text is a new translation, commentary and insights on the classic Shabbos zemiros. Talmidim and Rebbeim submitted essays about the zemiros or kedushas Shabbos. In addition, there is a section containing reflections and thoughts about Rabbi Oberlander from rebbeim and students. Throughout the last few months, while working on the Zemiros sefer, I was concerned that no student’s entry should inadvertently be left out.
I myself had such an experience many years ago when an essay I submitted for a sefer never made it in. For some reason, the email I sent had not been received. It was not a good feeling.
My fear was confirmed when Bentzi Weiss, one of our wonderful seniors, approached me after the dinner and noted that the dvar Torah he submitted was not in the sefer.
I went through all my emails but could not find Bentzi’s email. In the end, I discovered his email… in my spam box. I felt terrible, but the sefer had already been published and there was nothing I could do. I reread Bentzi’s dvar Torah and I must say that it is anything but spam. In fact, he wrote three different explanations about a familiar pasuk we sing every Friday night. With his permission, I am including his essay below:
In Eishes Chayil we say, “Kapah parsa l’ani v’yadeha shilcha la’evyon — She spreads out her palm to the poor and extends her hands to the destitute.” Sefarim (Ben Ish Chai, Shana 1, Parshas Vayigash 11 & Zera Shimshon Bereishis, daf 5) teach that the act of proactively giving is linked to Hashem’s Name — Yud and then Hei and then Vav and then Hei, which represents His attribute of rachamim (mercy). When someone gives to the needy before they are approached to give, they recreate this Name: The coin they select symbolizes the Yud, the giver’s five fingers reaching into their pocket to take it represent the first Hei, the giver outstretching their arm symbolizes the letter Vov, and the five fingers of the needy receiving the coin completes the word with the second Hei.
But what happens if the needy person has to ask for the money, extending his hand before the gift is offered? The letters remain the same, but the order is switched, the Vov starting the process to create Vov-Yud-Hei-Hei, an improper spelling where the arm of the poor extended in pleading comes first, while the giver’s arm of willingness is absent.
This pasuk thus extols the Eishes Chayil, the “Woman of Valor,” as she does not merely spread her palm and extend her arm once asked; she proactively spreads her palm to the poor and extends her hands to the destitute. The Eishes Chayil embodies the highest form of giving, anticipating the needs of others and initiating kindness before they even ask, bringing Hashem, and His rachamim into the world.
Furthermore, the Meiri explains that this Pasuk is a continuation of the one preceding it: “V’chapeha tomchu falech— Her palms support the spindle.” Even though her hands are occupied with her labor, when the needy come to her seeking help, she turns away from her work to give. The very hands that were moments earlier engaged in important duties now become eagerly involved in kindness. This teaches us that even though we may think we are too busy or too involved with our own work to care for others, we can learn from the Eishes Chayil and find time to care for those in need around us.
Additionally, why does the pasuk seem to say twice that she gives from her hand? It reflects that even though she has already spread her palm, and may have given all she had, she stretches her hand out to offer more, showing how even when we think we have nothing left to give, we can learn from this Woman of Valor and find more.
Bentzi noted three virtues of the Eishes Chayil that the pasuk alludes to: She anticipates and initiates acts of chesed, she makes time to help others even when she is busy, and she selflessly helps others repeatedly, not just once. I was thinking about how each of these three traits describe Rabbi Oberlander well. Although he was selfless and always doing for and thinking about others, he didn’t allow anyone to feel he was overextending himself for them. It all seemed so seamless and effortless. It is hard to understand how he could give so many people so much time, repeatedly and consistently. He was also proactive in helping others because he was thinking about what other people needed.
All of us in Heichal have a distinct memory of Rabbi Oberlander serving lunch each day with a warm smile on his face. Serving lunch was not part of his job description. He sincerely enjoyed having that momentary interaction with each student. He always had a pleasant word and a beautiful smile for everyone. And that is just a small depiction of his devotion.
As his first yahrtzeit approaches on 16 Sivan, may Rabbi Oberlander’s neshama have an aliyah, and may his memory continue to be a blessing for all of us.
And Bentzi, your beautiful article is now officially un-spammed!
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, is a popular speaker and author. He is a rebbe in Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck and an experienced therapist who has recently returned to seeing clients in private practice as part of the Rockland CBT group. To schedule an appointment with Rabbi Staum, call (914) 295-0115. Looking for an inspirational and motivational speaker or scholar-in-residence? Contact Rabbi Staum for a unique speaking experience by emailing [email protected]. Archives of his writings can be found at
www.stamtorah.info.
