Spain is a beautiful and fascinating country and a lovely tourist destination with a rich and important Jewish history. That said, if Israel is the land of milk and honey, then Spain is the land of ham and lard. Many Spaniards love to pig out on pig in various forms and it seems that many of their restaurants should have names like Swine & Dine, Pork & Fork and Ham & Helpings. In other words, in Spain actors John Hamm and Kevin Bacon would be megastars, the Broadway musical “Ham”ilton would be a smash hit, the ham radio would still be a top seller and Pig Latin should be the national language.

So, the question is: For kosher-keeping Jews, where in Spain can one find kosher food?

No, the Spanish city of Malaga does not necessarily have kosher food. This is despite the fact that many brands of kosher wine, including Kedem and Manischewitz, feature a type of kosher wine known as “Extra Heavy Malaga.” In fact, that name is somewhat ironic because a kosher-keeping Jew in Malaga is likely to struggle in searching for kosher food and thus that Jew will be anything but extra heavy.

If you ask the average Spaniard about finding kosher products labeled with an OU, the response also will begin with an OU as in: “Oh you must be kidding! I haven’t the faintest idea.” Of course, this assumes that you can overcome any language barriers because although many bilingual Spaniards speak English perfectly well as a second language, some do not. Let’s imagine what would happen if you walk into a grocery store in Spain, encounter a unilingual Spanish-speaking storeowner and ask that person about kosher products:

You: Hello. Do you sell any kosher items?

Spaniard: Que?

You: Kosher? Do you have anything kosher?

Spaniard: Cordoba?

You: No, not Cordoba. But, we are getting close because Rambam lived in Cordoba. Have you heard of Rambam? Like Rambam, I do not eat pork.

Spaniard: Porque?

You: No, not porque. I said that I do not eat pork. Only kosher! Yo necessito kosher!

Your Spouse: Honey, in case you haven’t noticed, this nice person does not speak a word of English and apparently is not familiar with the laws of kashrut, so yelling the word “kosher” louder and louder is not going help.

You: I guess you’re right. Anyway, we’ll have kosher food at your cousin’s bar mitzvah.

Spaniard: Barcelona?

You: No, not Barcelona. I said bar mitzvah. It’s a Jewish party, a fiesta. We dance the hora.

Spaniard: Hora?

You: Yes, hora! You understand hora?!?!

Spaniard: Hora? [Spaniard glances down at his watch] A hora es ocho en la noche.

You: Oy vey.

Spaniard: De nada.

Spain does have some significant historical connections to the Jews. In fact, some experts believe that legendary explorer Christopher Columbus (1451-1506), whose epic voyage was funded by and departed from Spain, was Jewish. These experts point to the facts that (i) in the top left-hand corner of Columbus’s letters to his son Diego were the handwritten Hebrew letters Bet-Hei, meaning B’ezrat Hashem, (ii) Columbus postponed his set-sail date by one day to avoid traveling on Tisha B’Av and (iii) the very day he embarked on his journey, the Jews in Spain were, by law, given the choice of converting, leaving Spain, or being killed. In addition, rumor has it that Columbus wanted to rename the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria as the Naomi, Pnina, and Sara Chana.

As noted above, Spain also produced one of the greatest Talmudic scholars of all time, Rabbi Moses Ben Maimon (1135—1204)(a/k/a Maimonides or Rambam), who was born and lived in Spain. He is famous for, among many other things, listing the Eight Levels of Tzedakah (charity) including unprompted giving, anonymous giving and giving to make someone self-sufficient. Of course, not all giving is good. For example, you do not get credit for Tzedakah by giving someone grief, guilt, agita, the cold shoulder or a dirty look. You also do not get credit for giving someone the chills, the creeps, the jitters or a cold.

Another legendary Talmudic scholar, Moses ben Nahman (1194—1270), a/k/a Maimonides or Ramban, was raised, studied, and lived for most of his life in Catalonia, an autonomous community in Spain. One wonders how often the Ramban had to tell someone: “No, no no. I’m not the Rambam. I’m the Ramban, with an “n.” But don’t worry, I get that all of the time.”

Final thought: If your overly-protective and easily agitated Jewish mother finds out that you’re in Pamplona to participate in the Running of the Bulls, then the bulls will be the least of your problems.

By Jon Kranz