July 13, 2024
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Linking Northern and Central NJ, Bronx, Manhattan, Westchester and CT

The Real Husbands Come to Teaneck

The other day I was at Filler Up Wines discussing my Passover wine order with Leo. Aside from being one of the nicest guys around, he never judges me based on my questions. Anyway, while in the store, this guy walks in with a camera, like he is shooting a documentary. It turns out that he is a scouting agent for the Real Housewives series. For those of you who don’t know, the Real Housewives is a reality show based on a group of women from different communities. They follow them around, trying to get them all to fight with each other. We have watched some couples get divorced…you know, that kind of thing. And here this guy was in Teaneck of all places, looking for a new angle. Kind’ve ironic that he ran into me, as I am so meek and mild mannered and have no opinions on anything.

We started schmoozing and sampling the liqueurs that Leo had out and I was telling him how much I love the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I told him that my friends and I are so similar. We have botox parties and travel together to Paris and Greece. Our husbands are all really successful and buy us Teslas and Cartier watches. We really bonded. He then asked me if I had any ideas about a new reality show. As he was asking me, I happened to glance out the window and I saw a bunch of guys going into the Doghouse. Now it was around 1:30 on a Tuesday afternoon. These guys are all generous to their schools and other communal institutions. They make sure their wives are well taken care of with live-in help and no need to lift a finger. Their children are watched by nannies and round the clock help. And yet, with all of the money they are making, they are able to go to the Doghouse for lunch on a Tuesday afternoon. The lightbulb went off over my head.

I turned to my new friend and said, “The Real Husbands of Teaneck.” It was brilliant. The crew could follow a bunch of these guys around, doing their day-to-day activities. They have breakfast at Sammy’s, followed either by a leisurely stroll around Votee Park or a nap in their home offices. Some even ride around on their Vespas. Then they all meet for lunch. Sometimes the Doghouse, sometimes Schnitzel Plus. Then they check the stock market, because they must be doing something to make money. After “work” they might run into their wives at home, so they quickly have a “meeting” to go to at Nobo Grill where they have an intense discussion about which TBO (Teaneck Baseball Organization) team their kid is going to be on. They start playing around with the ratings so their kids can all be together. The camera crew will quickly learn that these guys must always do everything together. And so their kids must all play baseball and basketball together. They travel, eat (of course), play softball…the crew soon realizes that it’s like these guys are still in high school.

But my new friend and I realized that things could get a little boring and we needed something to stir the pot. What to do, what to do. We decide to have the wives start calling their husbands more during the day to ask how work is. That should throw them off because none of them seem to work at all. It’s magic! The wife of the husband with the Vespa threatens to leave him if he doesn’t get rid of it—real hometown drama! They even follow the husbands and wives that hold hands, walk around Teaneck together and hang out at Lazy Bean. It’s not an urban legend—it really happens and now a camera crew will be able to document it.

I am really excited about the series. It should shed a really positive light on our community. Oh, and aside from them letting me write and be a producer for the show, they wanted me to wish all of you a Happy Purim!

By Banji Latkin Ganchrow

Banji Ganchrow has decided to give up writing and become a life coach.

 

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