In our culture, conversations around food and health are often rooted in what we should take away — less sugar, fewer carbs, no late night snacks, no “junk.” The idea that self-control equals self-worth runs deep, and so many people, especially those trying to eat more intentionally, begin with restriction. But here’s a different, more sustainable starting point: what if, instead of focusing on what to eliminate, we focused on what to add?
The truth is, restriction often backfires. Cutting out major food groups or trying to eat as little as possible might feel like discipline at first, but it usually leads to increased cravings, low energy, irritability, and even a rebound effect — binging, guilt and an even more strained relationship with food. The body doesn’t experience restriction as empowerment, it experiences it as scarcity. When you’re constantly denying yourself, you become more focused on the very things you’re trying to avoid. Hunger becomes louder, and food can start to feel overwhelming or even frightening.
But there’s another way to approach change, one that’s rooted in nourishment and respect rather than punishment. When we shift our mindset to ask, “What can I give my body today?” instead of “What do I need to cut out?” we open the door to a healthier and more peaceful relationship with food. Adding nutrient-dense, satisfying foods — whether that’s a source of protein at breakfast, a hearty snack in the afternoon, or simply making sure meals are regular and balanced — can help stabilize blood sugar, improve mood, support digestion, and reduce the urgency of cravings.
This approach doesn’t mean you’re ignoring health or turning away from your goals. On the contrary, it recognizes that a body that is well-fed is a body that feels safe, and a body that feels safe can make wise, grounded choices. When we eat enough and include a variety of foods, we give our brain and body what they need to function at their best. Over time, cravings become less chaotic. Food stops feeling like a battleground. And most importantly, we begin to develop trust in our hunger, our cues and ourselves.
One of the most powerful things about the “add, don’t restrict” approach is that it reframes the entire act of eating as care, not control. It doesn’t mean eating is perfect or always easy. But it means we respond to our needs with curiosity instead of criticism. We approach our plates with the question, “What will help me feel good in my body today?” rather than, “How little can I get away with?”
If you’re looking to change how you eat, start small. Try adding one nourishing thing to your day; a colorful vegetable, a filling snack, a glass of water. Then notice how your body responds. When we lead with gentleness and generosity, change becomes not only possible, but lasting.
Food should never be a punishment or a test. It’s one of the most basic ways we connect to our bodies and ourselves. So if you’re ready for change, begin by giving — not taking away. You deserve enough. You deserve nourishment.
Tamar Sullivan, LSW, is a therapist at Hilltop Behavioral Health specializing in the treatment of children, adolescents and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image concerns, anxiety, depression, and OCD. She is passionate about helping individuals heal their relationships with food, their bodies, and themselves. In addition to her clinical work, Tamar is dedicated to advocacy and education surrounding mental health and eating disorder awareness. To learn more or to get in touch, you can reach her at [email protected].
