To the Editor:

(Editor’s Note: This letter has been edited for length.)

Thank you for another interesting issue of the Jewish Link. The articles on gay marriage and Open Orthodoxy vs. Modern Orthodoxy struck an interesting debate in our Shabbos home. We felt that Rabbi Student’s op-ed, while intended to address the gay marriage issue, skirted around it, whereas Rabbi Weiss, in his usual style, struck right at the heart of the issue while illustrating his point about Open Orthodoxy that he is advocating. Rabbi Gordimer stuck to his guns and had only to reiterate his position with a couple of points. I knew I had to write a response. In doing so, Ia apologize that I am not a Torah scholar. I am writing as a plain and concerned Jew.

Does Ahavas Yisrael include only strictly Orthodox Jews? Maybe Orthodox Jews who are not so strict but who try anyway? How about those who don’t try but would like to? How about those who don’t want to try, but admire those who do? Conservative Jews? Reform Jews? LGBT Jews? Jews who are convicts, disabled, mentally ill, not so nice, rashas? How is it possible to love all Jews no matter what? Maybe our love should be conditional?

Maybe Orthodox rabbis like to live in their comfort zone and unconsciously push “excess” Jews away so that they can have a smaller Orthodox community where they can still apply their customs and not have to implement new changes to accommodate contemporary needs. Imagine, if all Jews demanded tefillin, could all the Orthodox rabbis accommodate the need using current means? Or would they have to go through some automation process much like factory-made matzas? Would they possibly produce enough shmura matza? They would have to change customs. When the congregation is large and the shul is big enough to afford more than one rabbi, does the rebbetzin need to be married to the rabbi? What if the rebbetzin is a working woman and cannot perform the functions of a rebbetzin? What if there is another woman who studies Torah and wants to perform the functions of a rebbetzin, leading programs in shul, educating women, teaching classes, raising funds, reaching out to congregants to help with their needs? Why can’t she get the education she needs to perform these duties (Chabad rebbetzins all do!) and get paid with benefits for the job that she does?

Isn’t it time for us to open our hearts, our shuls to fellow Jews so that they can observe mitzvahs in an Orthodox shul, instead of being pushed into shuls that are outside of Torah tradition? We live in a country and tradition that embrace diversity. What we learn from each other has made us who we are. We can learn from each other different aspects of truth even as we observe Torah. Isn’t this the essence of modern Orthodoxy? Why feel threatened if we feel secure that Torah is truth?

I was against gay marriage. While I feel that gay people are entitled to a civil union, I did not believe that government should support gay families as a social unit that has positive things to offer to society. Since the 1980s, however, sadly with the help of AIDS, the gay population has moved toward more stable relationships and I have had the opportunity to meet many committed gay couples and to my surprise found out that our families have not been “contaminated” by their homosexuality. Instead, they have offered friendship and a new perspective. Isn’t it past the time we treat the LGBT population as if they have cooties? If they accept Orthodoxy and choose to come to our shul, they should be made welcome. They are also Jews whether they keep 612 or 613.

Having said that, I am against segregation of any kind. I do not believe in women’s minyans/prayer groups, I would not support LGBT minyans/prayer groups in a shul, just as I do not believe there should be restrictions in men and women learning together, with some obvious exceptions. Judaism has separate roles for men and women and we need to respect that. We also need to acknowledge that the union between a man and a woman is holy and that is where Hashem resides in our home. Anyone who wishes to come to an Orthodox shul will need to understand that while they are not judged, they need to respect the a priori premises of Judaism.

Sincerely yours,

Hale Perlmutter

Bronx, NY

To the Editor:

Rabbi Gil Student writes that the Supreme Court’s decision on gay marriage is a “limit imposed on government involvement in family matters.”

He has it precisely backwards.

Marriage is essentially a religious relationship, embodying the concept of the sanctity of the sexual relationship. Marriage became a state-controlled contract, despite the American tradition of separating the state from religion, at a time when there was universal agreement about the nature of marriage. Secular and religious societies shared the same moral values. Since the sexual revolution in the 60s that is no longer the case, and the involvement of government in marriage can be seen to have been an historical error.

There is no longer any official discrimination against gays in the sense that government should be involved in the issue. Whatever secular rights are safeguarded by marriage laws, such as financial sharing, parental rights, health decisions etc., can, and should, be provided by an equivalent Civil Union concept, leaving marriage to be a matter for church, synagogue or mosque (and other equivalents).

The fact that the gay movement has strongly rejected the idea of Civil Union, and insists on marriage, shows that it wants to insist on the sanctity of the relationship—the religious dimension, and wants to use the power of government to impose it, against the beliefs of the religions that gave marriage that very quality.

This use of political pressure to impose state control in an essentially religious area is absolutely un-American, and is likely to result in limits on the freedom of religious communities to maintain their own principles.

Dr. Stanley Shapiro

Teaneck, NJ