During one of the early days of my stay at a residential eating disorder treatment facility, there was mention of “positive affirmations.” At the time I was unaware of what positive affirmation meant. Anything relating to positivity seemed foreign to me, as my life had taken a steep turn. I did not feel happy or hopeful or in any way positive. I was depressed and lonely and consumed by an inner demon that convinced me that weight was the key to happiness. I judged myself harshly and feared outside judgment. In my mind I was failing at life and at a chance of a future.
We had small mail slots where forms and paperwork would be left. One day I remember receiving an anonymous note from a peer that read: “I can see how hard you’re trying. Don’t give up.”
And the truth was, I was trying. I was fighting. I had difficulty believing that things could be better and yet, a part of me prayed that they could. I struggled through the meals and still I complied with the directions I was given. Even though I didn’t believe in myself, I knew that I did not want to have an eating disorder for the rest of my life, and that I would do my best to begin the road to recovery.
While the note could have seemed generic to others, the simple message struck me. I kept this note in my journal as a means of reminding myself that I was not alone and that others believed in me even if I had difficulty believing in myself. Not only did I treasure the message and support, but I also decided to pay it forward. I had a particularly close friend in treatment whom I’ve stayed in touch with until today. She and I spent leisure time together and bonded over our commitment to beat the disorders with which we struggled. I left her small Post-its on her mirror reading: “Think of the way your eyes sparkle when you smile.”
Looking in the mirror was tricky and dangerous; often-times we spent too much time dwelling on our appearances, replete with judgment and self-abusing thoughts. Rather than focus on her reflection, I wanted to encourage my friend to instead focus on the parts of herself that she did not have to judge or alter. We were encouraged—and I encourage current clients—to make a gratitude list. One such list may include gratitude toward the very parts of the body that lead to the most judgment. By reminding her of the sparkle in her eyes I wanted to show her that her body can also communicate joy.
Later, the idea of Post-its was revisited. At the eating disorder treatment center where I currently work, we run a group where we encourage clients to write down positive affirmations on notecards. We then travel as a group to the nearest book store and proceed to put the notes in various books throughout the store, especially books in the diet section that clients feel emit the wrong message. While some diet books may encourage health and positivity, others can use language that tries to persuade readers that there is something inherently wrong with them and that the diet is a solution.
Clients take their time in choosing where they will place the Post-its in books and magazines, as well as on mirrors. Frequently we overhear people vocally criticizing themselves while looking in the mirror, whether it be weight, hair, makeup, etc. These notes intend to remind the person about their whole self and their soul self which more greatly defines them than their appearance.
I often wonder about the readers who find these notes and about whether they take a moment to process the messages. We frequently feel as if constant self-criticism is normal, or accepted. In reality, we must take a few moments to put on the brakes, to provide ourselves and others with positive feedback. This may include leaving a positive note on a mirror or in our wallets. Or it may simply mean taking a few breaths and repeating a mantra of positivity. It is this supportive break that can allow for a healthier, gentler attitude toward ourselves and could make all the difference as we embark on our individual journeys and struggles.
Temimah Zucker is an MSW who works at EDTNY Monte Nido, an outpatient eating disorder treatment facility. Temimah is also a public speaker on the subject of eating disorders and body image and provides meal support to those in recovery. She can be reached at [email protected]
By Temimah Zucker, MSW
