(Part II of III)

Part one of this series described a shared and paced approach to teaching Shabbat tefillot to our sons so that they become “regulars” at Shabbat morning tefilla by the age of bar mitzvah.

This article addresses how we can apply this approach to our daughters. This is a more complex topic for two reasons. First, the halachic parameters and guidelines are less obvious. Second, contemporary controversies surrounding women’s issues may easily distract us from the important questions of raising all our children to be ovdei Hashem.

All our children require proper training, guidance and discipline to connect to tefillah in a meaningful way, boys and girls alike. Much of what was written in my last article applies equally to boys and girls. Our sons and daughters should see their parents as role models with regard to tefillah. We want to teach them to enunciate each and every word, and daven on a consistent basis.

There are two primary areas where tefillah education differs for girls.

First as it relates to women’s specific obligations in tefillah: while women are obligated to daven, the parameters of their obligations differ from men. The nature of these obligations is beyond the parameters of this article. I cite two examples to show how important further discussion is as a prerequisite to determining an approach to teaching tefillah to our daughters.

Are women obligated to daven Maariv? The Mishnah Berurah Orach Chaim 106:4 argues that they are not and this seems to be the standard approach today. Aruch Hashulchan Orach Chaim 106:7 feels that they are obligated and is bothered by the fact that women generally do not daven Maariv.

Are women obligated to hear kriat haTorah? Aruch Hashulchan Orach Chaim 282:11, Yechave Daat 4:23, Mateh Yehuda 282:7 and Mishnah Berurah 282:12 all feel that women are not obligated in hearing the Torah reading. The Magen Avraham Orach Chaim 282:6 is less confident about this ruling because of a statement in Masechet Sofrim that implies otherwise. The accepted custom is that women are exempt. Nevertheless, many poskim argue that it is positive for women to hear kriat haTorah.

These examples illustrate how a parent must first determine which sections of tefillah to prioritize for their daughters in order to create a paced approach to teach them tefillah.

Second as it relates to women’s halachic obligations for tefillah betzibbur: Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 55:1 states that ten men are required to make a minyan. Poskim state that women are not obligated to daven with a minyan. (See Shvut Yaakov Orach Chaim 3:54, Teshuva Me’ahava 2:229, Tzitz Eliezer 9:11 who reflect a small sampling of this consensus opinion.)

Nevertheless, women do benefit halachically from davening with a minyan.

Rav Fuchs in “Halichos Bas Yisroel” points to the Gemara in Sotah 22a which describes the story of a widow who walked to the shul of Rav Yochanan. She received reward for walking to shul even though there was a shul closer to her home. This is because women benefit from davening with a minyan.

Rabbi Bleich in “Contemporary Halachic Problems” points out that an advantage of davening with a minyan is the guarantee that tefillot with a minyan are listened to by Hashem. He argues that this applies to women as well. He also quotes Yalkut Shimoni, Eikev 871, which tells of an elderly woman who was leading an extremely difficult life. She approached Rav Yossi Bar Chalafta, asking him for a way to hasten her demise. Rav Yossi Bar Chalafta, after learning that she would daven with a minyan every day, advised her to skip the minyan for three days, whereupon she became terminally ill. Rabbi Bleich explains that she was not asked to stop davening, as women have an obligation to daven daily. Rather, she was advised to stop davening with a minyan. This story shows that she lost the merit of davening with a minyan and passed away.

These citations, stories and background form the underpinnings of the approach that I advocate for our community: (Other communities may have different realities and should speak to their rabbi for instruction.)

The Vilna Gaon wrote a letter known as Alim Letrufa to his family while traveling to Israel, instructing them to continue in the path of mussar and ethics. He advised his wife and daughters to stay home and not attend shul. His stated rationale was that, in shul, impediments such as jealousy, lashon hara and an overemphasis on clothing and styles create an environment where the spiritual challenges of attending shul outweigh the positive benefits.

Shuls today play a central role in the development of an individual’s connection to the Jewish community. Absence from this identity-forming experience on a regular basis can be detrimental to one’s spiritual and emotional health. A lack of fluency in navigating tefillah betzibbur or a lack of understanding of the value of tefillah leads to exactly the situation that concerned the Vilna Gaon. Individuals who come to shul and are not able to engage in tefillah spend their time engaged in idle chatter and gossip outside shul—or even worse, in shul. Unfortunately, there are many communities where this reality is quite prevalent.

We should encourage our daughters to attend minyan, whether on Friday night, Shabbat morning, Shabbat afternoon or even during the week. We want to train them in a step-by-step fashion to daven in the minyan, similar to the outline described in my last article for boys. We may decide to start training our daughters only when they are a little older, and may not necessarily feel a need for them to be fully in shul by the time they reach bat mitzvah. Nevertheless, a serious regimen of tefillah training is a crucial aspect of chinuch for both boys and girls.

My next article will focus on the second and third goals of tefillah education—instilling in our children a sense of the value and importance of tefillah, and developing in them the emotional intelligence to engage in meaningful tefillah.

By Rabbi Daniel Alter

Rabbi Daniel Alter is the head of school of the Moriah School. He was the founding rabbi of the DAT Minyan and was the head of school at the Denver Academy of Torah where he founded the DAT High School as an extension of their elementary school.