On one occasion when my wife was getting ready to leave for a scheduled doctor’s appointment, our almost three-year-old son, Dovid, said to her: “You no need to go Doctor, Mommy. I give you kiss and make it all better!”
In Dovid’s mind it made perfect sense. After all, whenever he gets a boo boo, Mommy or Abba give him a kiss and it makes everything better. (If he gets a band aid too, even more so.)
Why do parents offer their young children a kiss as the ultimate panacea?
Every physical wound carries with it some modicum of emotional pain as well. When we feel hurt, we crave TLC. We want to know that someone cares about our pain and that we are not alone with our hurt.
A parent’s loving kiss and embrace provides that dose of love. While it cannot take away the physical pain, the feeling of being cared for and cherished makes the pain more bearable, sometimes completely.
The greatest suffering of all is when it is borne in silence. When one feels abandoned, as if his pain and travails don’t matter to anyone, that causes the deepest and most personal suffering.
Holocaust survivors have noted that one of the myriad disturbing facets of the Holocaust was the fact that almost no one outside the ghetto or the concentration camp walls seemed to care. The utter poverty and rampant disease in the ghetto, the smoke rising from the crematoria, as well as the horrible stench of burning human flesh in the camps, was unmistakable. Yet no one batted an eyelash.
The pain of loneliness magnifies all suffering exponentially.
Today the Jewish world has incredible chesed organizations. Families suffering with a sick child r’l have many resources and organizations ready to help. Their chesed is above and beyond. While they cannot change the illness, they are able to help those suffering feel they are not alone. That kiss of love is priceless.
In recent years o organizations have been established and developed to help encourage and offer vital chizuk to parents of struggling children. One of the more painful components of having struggling children is that the families often feel judged and at a loss of how to properly relate to and with their precious child. The feeling that they are not alone and there are others who can listen and commiserate is invaluable.
The opening extant cry of Megillas Eichah is that the bustling city of Yerushalayim has become like a widow. Beyond the pain of destruction and calamity is the anguish of isolation. We can provide that kiss of love which breathes life into those who crave it so much.
During these days of national mourning when we contemplate redemption and focus on the pain and suffering of our brothers and sisters in Klal Yisroel, it behooves us to try to give that proverbial nonjudgmental kiss, to mitigate their suffering, if even just a little.
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, is a popular speaker and author. He is a rebbe in Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck and an experienced therapist who has recently returned to seeing clients in private practice as part of the Rockland CBT group. To schedule an appointment with Rabbi Staum call (914) 295-0115. Looking for an inspirational and motivational speaker or scholar-in-residence? Contact Rabbi Staum for a unique speaking experience by emailing [email protected]. Archives of his writings can be found at www.stamtorah.info
