Yitro throws a party, and hosts Moshe, Aharon and all the Elders of Israel (18:12). The Gemara notes that Yitro really had self-centered motivations in throwing this party—he did it to promote his own honor. Yet, generations later, Shaul Hamelech—who viewed Yitro’s act as if he benefited all of Bnei Yisrael—rescued Yitro’s descendants from destruction as a token of appreciation (Berachot 63b).
Does Shaul need to express his gratitude if Yitro’s motivation was self-centered? Moreover, let’s face it—who gave more to the other? Was it Yitro giving to Moshe or was it Moshe giving to Yitro: Moshe may have gotten some good grub from Yitro, but the prestige that Moshe gave Yitro by showing up and thereby bumping up his honor was presumably on a much higher level than that of Yitro’s gesture!
Says Rav Henach Leibowitz, we see from here that even though Moshe, Aharon and the Elders may have given more to Yitro; and even though Yitro may have had his own self-serving reasons for inviting them in the first place, nevertheless, one is to have hakarat hatov because at the end of the day, they received something beneficial from Yitro—even though it was a minor benefit. Having this hakarat hatov goes so far that later on in history, Shaul expressed his gratitude by giving back to even the descendants of Yitro—all of which shows how important it is to have hakarat hatov.
The Torah (18:9-10) tells us that Yitro became happy upon hearing all the good that Hashem did for Bnei Yisrael, that Hashem rescued them from Mitzrayim and he remarked “Baruch Hashem, who rescued you from the hand of Mitzrayim…etc.” The Gemara places a criticism upon Moshe and Bnei Yisrael who, although themselves experienced the exodus, did not say “Baruch Hashem” until Yitro—who wasn’t even born of the Jewish descent—said “Baruch Hashem…” It seems that on some level Bnei Yisrael failed to appreciate Hashem for taking them out of Mitzrayim. How could they not appreciate that?
Maybe the answer is similar to the idea above. We know that Hashem had to take Bnei Yisrael out of Mitzrayim since he had promised Avraham (see Bereishit chp.15). Bnei Yisrael may have therefore perceived the exodus as being Hashem’s responsibility, or His “job,” for lack of a better word. Perhaps that’s why Bnei Yisrael couldn’t appreciate that act since it wasn’t seen as purely for their sake but instead because of a prior guarantee to Avraham: Hashem had to do it anyway; Why do we need to appreciate that? But they’re taken to task for it; At the end of the day, they benefited greatly from Hashem’s taking us out of Mitzrayim, but lacked appreciation.
So even if it’s true that the person who benefited us may have only done it for their sake—maybe they wanted honor; maybe it was their job or responsibility. But from the recipient’s end, it may not make a difference. We still need to appreciate and express appreciation for what was received.
If hakarat hatov extends even in such contexts, then how much more so should we appreciate and show appreciation to those who had our betterment in mind and have benefited us for our own sake. A very practical example of this arises in our parsha regarding the mitzvah of honoring one’s father and mother. The Sefer HaChinuch (33) writes that “among the underlying purposes of this mitzvah is that it is proper for a person to recognize and bestow kindness upon those who performed goodness for him, and not be a degenerate, who acts as a stranger and ignores the good [that they did for him], for that is an evil midah that is utterly abhorrent to man and God. And he should take to heart that his father and mother are the cause of his existence in the world…[and] also expended many efforts in [caring for] him in his infancy…etc”
Parents rank very high on the list of those who do the most good for us and the depth of appreciation and gratitude towards them should be immense. Furthermore, they are a primary example of those who seek our betterment and have benefited us for our sake. We are vastly indebted to our parents who gave us life and who, to a great extent, have virtually given their lives for the betterment of our life. Ignoring the good they have done is a significant shortcoming.
The midrash (with commentaries) indicates that as a result of Pharoah ignoring the good Yosef did for him and his country, he felt enabled to establish the harsh decrees upon the Jews. Shortly after in the Torah we’re informed that Pharaoh reached a point of denying God. The midrash therefore seems to imply a fact: One who denies the good he received from people will eventually come to deny Hashem.
What’s the connection between the two? Perhaps the explanation is, if one doesn’t have hakarat hatov to a person who benefited him, he will not be able to then recognize the good Hashem has given and continues to give him. As a result, he won’t realize that God is the provider of all he has and he may even come to deny the presence of God.
Let’s assume that this is all commensurate with the amount of good one received. For example, if one received a small benefit and doesn’t show hakarat hatov, then the amount of lacking of hakarat hatov towards Hashem may be commensurate with that measure. The upshot therefore may be, if parents have done an immeasurable amount of good for us, then being oblivious to that can lead to being quite significantly oblivious of the immeasurable amount of good Hashem does for us, and thus a great decline in emuna.
And it perhaps works in the positive as well. The more one appreciates the good he has received from people—especially those who have given him the most benefit, the more one appreciates Hashem’s unlimited goodness, and emuna increases). The Sefer HaChinuch continues, that “once he establishes this midah [of recognizing his parents’ beneficence] in himself, it will lead to recognizing the Beneficence of Hashem Who is the Cause of his [existence]…and Who brought him into the world, and provided his needs all the days of his [life], and Who composed him in his proper form with all his limbs complete, and Who endowed him with a knowing a perceptive soul…etc”
This underscores how important it is to recognize all the good we received from others and expressing our hakarat hatov—both to those who did little for us, and especially to those who have done the most for us; whether they were in it for themselves, and all the more so if they were in it for us.
Binyamin is a graduate of Yeshivas Rabbeinu Yitzchok Elchanan, and of Wurzweiler School of Social Work
