Whether you are a staunch supporter of the Obama administration or you adamantly oppose it, it is rare that I find someone who does not agree their “It’s On Us” initiative is both powerful and extremely necessary. Even if you are lucky enough not to know someone touched by domestic violence, there is no denying the horrific statistics that 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted.
While the general statistics are better known today, the startling statistics of Jews in abusive relationships are still swept under the rug in many communities. On average it takes a non-Jewish female victim 3 to 5 years to leave an abusive relationship; however, it takes a Jewish woman 7 to 13 years to leave. That is 2 to 3 times longer. While our culture typically shares the statistics of the mainstream United States population in other aspects, this is one area in which our religion stands out. The good news is, just as the administration is empowering college students to stand up and protect their classmates, there are many organizations that are empowering Jews to stand up and help female Jewish victims escape the abuse earlier rather than later.
When victims are already hesitant to leave their abuser, there are a few things that reaffirm their hesitation. Traditionally, women are viewed as the keeper and caretaker of the household. Many victims feel that leaving their abuser is not maintaining the household, and therefore going against the traditions upheld by our founding fathers and mothers in the bible. For those who feel this way there is Shalom Task Force. Shalom Task Force is run by a variety of professionals, including rabbis, who will spend as much time as necessary referencing religious passages focusing on the rights of a human being, and discuss with the individual why it is important that they leave. To reach Shalom Task Force, call the hotline number at 888-883-2323.
Once women decide to leave their abuser, they face their next two obstacles: finding safe, shomer Shabbat accommodations and kosher food. However, Project S.A.R.A.H. has equipped all domestic-violence shelters in the state of New Jersey with kosher kits sufficient to keep a woman and three children in kosher food for 48 hours until they can get them fresh food and any other needed assistance, legal or otherwise. In the kit, there are also Shabbat candles and items sufficient to make Shabbat. All staff of all women’s shelters in New Jersey are also trained by Project S.A.R.A.H. to understand the unique experience and complications of Shomer Shabbat women who need their help.
If you are a victim, I highly encourage you to use a public computer where your abuser cannot trace your records and do your own research. As far as kosher food pantries, Jewish Family Services (JFS) of Bergen and North Hudson, located in Teaneck, has a kosher food pantry, as some JFS of Passaic-Clifton.
So you decided to leave. You have left. Now it is time to face the last obstacle: getting the get. Many abusers withhold the get. Luckily, the tribe can be very influential. Reach out to your married female friends. Let them know what is going on. There is a new movement of women holding out on their husband to help their friends get a get. The husbands, dissatisfied, are pressuring the abuser into releasing the get. In the end, everyone but the abuser wins.
Together we need to bring this terrifying statistic to light, and work as a team to change it. By giving women the proper resources, such as Shalom Task Force and JFS of Bergen and North Hudson, as well as standing up for them on our own, we can help victims through a painful time as painlessly as possible.
Stefanie Jeffreys lives in Marlton, NJ. She is a special education major with a focus in US history and English. In her free time, she advocates for Israel and the rights of domestic-violence victims. On behalf of domestic-violence victims, she spoke at a screening of The Hunting Ground in 2015. She was also a government advocacy intern for the Simon Wiesenthal Center and worked in the NYC Public Advocate’s office.
