This time of year we gather to observe Pesach and celebrate the exodus of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. We reference God’s “passing over” of Hebrews during the Ten Plagues. Passover is a celebration of freedom, ritual, prayer, family and food. For those struggling with eating disorders or their body image, however, Passover can be an especially stressful time of the year.
Eating disorders are complex illnesses with biological, genetic, psychological, social and developmental roots. There is no single cause for the development of an eating disorder and effective treatment covers a wide range of factors. An eating disorder is not just a phase that will pass; rather, it is a serious mental illness that can be fatal.
Like with all Jewish holidays, there is a strong focus on food, wine, and family and community gatherings. We first recognize Passover with the Passover Seder. A feast of any kind can be challenging for those with eating disorders. The pressure to eat in abundance, often in front of others, drink wine and surround oneself with family can be extremely difficult. This celebration, though meant to unite us with family and friends, can make it challenging to navigate difficult relationships, enhance feelings of loneliness, ignite stress associated with the significant emphasis and expectations around appearance, and create a fear of overeating not only at the Passover Seder, but the remaining eight days.
During Passover, chametz is not allowed for the entire holiday and matzah is eaten instead. Ashkenazi Jews also abstain from foods that contain corn, rice and soy. These dietary guidelines can present multiple challenges for anyone who is used to a routine of eating grains or is trying to feel satisfied from their meals. It can be especially challenging for someone who may be trying to incorporate those foods into their meal plan as part of their work in eating disorder treatment. For those who strictly observe, one is not supposed to own any leavened foods and should stringently clean their homes to remove any leavened products before Passover begins. This can apply to dishes and cookware in addition to the food itself and can present multiple challenges for those struggling with OCD, anxiety or stress.
Awareness of challenges is a great first step to prepare oneself to deal with them. It is recommended that everyone identify which aspects may be difficult for them in their own observance as they approach Passover. With the support of their loved ones and treatment team, they can develop a plan to manage these challenges and celebrate Passover in a meaningful and positive way that works for them.
Stepping into the holiday this year, it’s more than possible to challenge those triggers and find joy outside of them. For those struggling, I encourage you to explore the themes of Passover and see how they might be helpful to you. Reflect on what Passover means to you, why you celebrate it, and what you want to get out of it this year. Think about the themes of freedom and what you can do to free yourself from the constraints of your eating disorder. Contemplate ways you can focus on the rituals of Passover. If it’s too hard to enjoy it for yourself, can you do something for someone else? And in the themes of four, can you make four positive goals or affirmations for yourself as reminders of how worthy you are of enjoying the holiday and finding hope for a new beginning?
It is normal to struggle around the holidays, regardless of our religion, culture, background or circumstances. It’s essential to give ourselves grace and maintain hope that it will get better. If we lean into our discomfort we can experience our feelings without judgment and try to get through the challenges and difficult emotions that we may be experiencing, rather than trying to avoid them all together. In fact, holidays like Passover can offer a time for reflection where emotional tolerance skills can be used and when faith can serve as a motivation for recovery.
This Passover, remember you are not alone and you do not need to struggle alone. Turn to a therapist, a trusted family member or friend, a religious leader, or reach out to treatment centers in your area to see what offerings they have that would be a good fit for you. There are so many options for support and you deserve to find happiness and peace.
With determination and faith, you may even be able to enjoy the holiday and find something to celebrate. Wishing you a happy Passover. Chag Pesach sameach!
Sarah Bateman, LCSW, is a psychotherapist who specializes in eating disorders as well as depression and anxiety. In addition to her work in private practice, she is the Renfrew Center’s liaison to the Jewish community where she works to ensure that Jewish individuals with eating disorders receive culturally sensitive treatment and that their unique religious needs are met. Ms. Bateman has a private practice with offices in New York and New Jersey, provides training for professionals and lectures in schools while working to raise awareness and understanding of eating disorders in the Jewish community
