In a first-of-its-kind conference in the yeshiva day school community, leadership teams that included administrators, guidance personnel and parent lay leaders, convened March 31-April 1 in Manhattan to discuss the rising tide of concern about our children’s relationships with smartphones and social media. The summit was hosted by the Tikvah Fund’s Jewish Parents Forum. Panelists included experts who shared research and data, administrators who have played leading roles in moving their school community towards healthier interactions with recreational technology, and parents who have been involved in various initiatives to control recreational technology. Time was also dedicated to small group discussions and workshops focused on the challenges of social media culture, learning in a digital age, and ways that schools and parents can partner in reflecting, formulating policies and instituting change.
Recent studies have shed light on the alarming effects of early smartphone and social media exposure. According to various studies, children who spend considerable time on social media platforms are at a heightened risk for developing mental health problems, including anxiety and depression. With specific focus on teenage girls, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health has highlighted links between time spent on social media and an alarming rise in depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. Other studies highlight a correlation between screen time and reduced academic performance, suggesting that the allure of digital devices can detract from learning and homework.
The average American teen receives 237 notifications on their phone every day; 20% of teens receive more than 500—that is one notification every 120 seconds. The average teen spends seven to nine hours on screens per day and about five hours on social media platforms alone. Students regularly report in surveys that they check their phones extensively during class and interact via text and social media with friends during class. Neuroscientist Jean Aru has pointed to studies that show that “smartphone use can be disruptively habitual, with the main detrimental consequence being an inability to exert prolonged mental effort.”
In her opening remarks, Caroline Bryk (executive director of the Jewish Parents Forum) quoted directly from school leaders she has heard from over the past few months. One educator wrote: “Recreational technology has impeded virtually all of our primary goals as a school—rigorous academics and the development of spiritually, socially and emotionally healthy students.” School leaders and parents are recognizing these dangers and seeing its impact on the educational setting. Another educator wrote, “In the 30 years I have been in education I see a dramatic shift in our students due to technology.” A senior administrator lamented, “Many teachers have expressed frustration that ‘addiction management’ is now a subcomponent of classroom management.”
Experts warn that excessive screen time can also negatively impact family relationships and personal development. Studies indicate that tweens engrossed in screens often miss out on essential face-to-face interactions, a cornerstone of emotional and social growth. This can lead to a lack of empathy, reduced communication skills, and a general disconnection from the real-world community. In a recent talk to the Jewish Parents Forum of the Tikvah Fund, with a combined participation (live audience at a New York synagogue and those on Zoom) of more than 3,000 people, Jonathan Haidt, the co-author of “The Coddling of the American Mind” and “The Anxious Generation,” challenged our Jewish community to collectively address the harms of the internet and social media impact on our children. “This is insane, hurting our kids in 15 different ways,” Haidt said, referring to what he calls “The Great Rewiring” of the next generation, with the resulting damage to young people’s social development and mental health. At this week’s summit, the school leaders heard from Zach Rausch, a lead researcher for Haidt’s book, as well as from Dr. Leonard Sax (New York Times bestselling author on modern parenting) about the many statistics and studies highlighting the severe impact of social media on our young children.
Just a few weeks ago, Mayor Eric Adams made New York the first major city in the country to declare social media a public “mental health crisis,” comparing it to tobacco and guns. In his third State of the City address, the mayor called out platforms including TikTok, Facebook and YouTube for “fueling a mental health crisis by designing their platforms with addictive and dangerous features” and demanded they “take responsibility for this crisis.”
Haidt described the problem as a classic collective action problem; most parents agree that they’d like to tackle it, but feel that it is impossible to do so alone; they also fear that it could do more harm than good if their child is one of the only kids in their social group disconnected from the group conversations or internet discussions.
Recognizing these challenges, one collective action response that is taking root nationally is the “Wait Until 8th” pledge (https://www.waituntil8th.org/). The pledge encourages and empowers parents to work together to “help delay the ever-evolving presence of the smartphone in the classroom, social arena and family dinner table.”
“We knew we wanted to do something about this for our kids,” explained Leora Blumenthal, one of the parent organizers of a growing parent-driven pledge in her child’s third-grade Bergen County class. “If we can work together, we can reduce the social pressure for smartphones in middle school, ensuring our kids aren’t left feeling out of the loop, and create a healthier environment for everyone.” The initiative fosters a supportive network of parents committed to delaying their children’s ownership of a smartphone and immersion in social media platforms. By doing so, they aim to create an environment where the absence of smartphones and social media during critical developmental years is the norm, not the exception. “It’s about giving our kids the gift of a childhood unencumbered by the social stresses and distractions of social media,” said another parent involved in the pledge. The movement and pledge align with guidance from child development experts who advocate for more real-world interactions and less screen time for children. Activities like outdoor play, reading, and engaging in family conversations are encouraged, fostering healthier physical, mental and emotional development.
As this initiative gains momentum, the hope is that more parents will join the pledge, creating a broader impact across schools and communities. The “Wait Until 8th” group plans to hold annual get-togethers to evaluate the campaign and provide resources for parents looking for support or information.
As the schools met this past week, discussions focused on ways in which parent-led initiatives like the “Wait Until 8th” pledge could be expanded, tweaked or supported by schools so that a more comprehensive communal partnership can take place.
“We need to all put our heads together to start to take some thoughtful steps forward. We’re not just protecting our children from the potential harms of early smartphone and social media exposure,” one school administrator and parent said. “We’re also empowering them to build real, meaningful connections in their lives. We would love to see different initiatives spread across our schools and our community. We think this could add enormous value to our community as a whole.”
Bergen County was represented by almost all of its yeshiva day schools, and many thoughtful discussions were held about next steps in schools and parents partnering to bring more thoughtful and structured conversations and initiatives to the broader parent body.
Rabbi Daniel Alter, Moriah head of school, participated in a panel with Rabbi Rafi Cashman of Netivot Hatorah in Toronto and Rabbi Yoni Fein of Brauser Maimonides in Hollywood, Florida. They spoke about their school initiatives that address the challenge of social media saturation and excessive smartphone usage. Common themes included the need to ensure parent buy-in and the crucial steps of a campaign including successful marketing, communication, parent body surveys and some form of parent commitment—to create a critical mass of parents willing to hold off on giving their children a smartphone and/or access to social media at a young age.
“While this is not purely a school challenge, this is clearly a school community challenge,” said Rabbi Alter. “Our schools can play leadership roles in setting bold and ambitious goals, clearly articulate the challenge, and empower our parents to do the right thing and hold off on giving their children access to a device which they are not yet ready to possess and will clearly harm them over the long term.”
Caroline Bryk (of the Jewish Parents Forum) noted in her introduction to the summit: “My call to action to all of you here today is to think about how Jewish schools—the indispensable transmitters of the Jewish way of life—can lead the way in reestablishing the culture of seriousness and sanctity that our children need. What we learn from Shabbat is that sanctifying time is an active process—one that requires us to take on intentional positive habits alongside much-needed guardrails and restrictions. We can achieve this transcendence only when we do so collectively as a community with shared expectations, shared aspirations, and shared values.”
Many Bergen County yeshivas are actively working on technology and smartphone policies that will be rolled out over the next few weeks and months. Please reach out to your school administrator to find out more about the discussions taking place and how you can be a part of them.
Miriam Berger is the associate principal of the Ramaz Upper School, aresident of Teaneck, and mom of four.
