Highland Park’s N’shei Ohav Emeth (OE) hosted an informative evening covering topics such as postpartum depression, pregnancy loss and secondary infertility on Sunday, September 8. Featuring several speakers from ATIME (A Torah Infertility Medium of Exchange), each presentation provided useful information on recognizing and identifying various issues that have generally not been talked about and how to be helpful to someone struggling with these issues.
Dr. Chani Miller, OE sisterhood president, saw the importance of scheduling this program. “Until ATIME was formed in 1993, frum women who were experiencing infertility, postpartum depression or any other reproductive health issue had no one to turn to,” she said. “Although discussions in the frum community surrounding these topics have become more normalized, we still need to educate our communities, and ATIME is uniquely qualified to tackle these discussions due to their years of experience.”
Chumi Friedman, director of the Pregnancy Loss Support Program at ATIME, said that the goal of the presentation was to provide information that people were unaware of previously. The insights and knowledge would be meaningful and would have an impact on future considerations. Added Yonina Kaufman, licensed clinical social worker specializing in maternal mental health, “We want people to know they are not alone. As a community we can provide a sense of connection through support and understanding.”
Friedman opened the session with a discussion about secondary infertility. “On the one hand, a couple feels they should be blessed that they have one child. But they hope to be blessed with more and are struggling with the mental and physical aspects of infertility.” The concept of infertility is not new—there are many references in the Tanach. Our matriarchs Sarah and Rachel suffered from infertility, as do approximately 12% of women in the United States.
Secondary infertility is often misunderstood and catches people off guard. If they had no trouble getting pregnant the first time, how could there be a problem now? Their personal disappointment is made worse by well-meaning people saying that they should be grateful for having one child, or being at a local event as part of a community where large families are the norm. ATIME publishes materials and provides peer counseling to help ease the journey. Their online and print magazine is the only Jewish publication for those experiencing infertility of any kind.
Secondary infertility can bring problems to even the healthiest of marriages. ATIME offers emotional support for couples and extended families to help guide them through the minefields of family events and other challenges, including learning how spouses can support each other, learn to talk to one another, and learn to identify what can and can’t be controlled. Fertility counseling, medical referrals, rabbinical guidance and insurance advocacy are also available.
Brany Rosen, ATIME director of member services, began her presentation with a description of how people learn to adapt to a “new normal.” When faced with secondary infertility, the shock of the reality can render a couple incapable of facing day-to-day life. They become acquainted with new routines and a different way of life. It is difficult to face the challenge, but one must still continue with life. “Daughters are blessed on Friday night to be like Sarah, Rivka, Rochel and Leah. They are not blessed to be like them because of their fertility issues, but because of the great women they became in all other ways.”
Kaufman wrapped up the presentation with a segment on postpartum depression with the aim of coming together to support every woman and family suffering from mental health issues associated with pregnancy, infertility and loss while crushing the associated stigmas. She introduced the many aspects of maternal mental health and referred to a relatively new diagnosis, perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD). Postpartum mental health issues extend beyond postpartum depression and can have consequences for the new mother and the family and can also impact a woman after a miscarriage or loss of a baby. The statistics are staggering: One in five women and one in 10 husbands suffer from PMAD, with 60% of the cases developing during pregnancy and 80% remaining undiagnosed or untreated because of the associated shame or stigma. PMAD is the leading complication following childbirth, with costs of untreated PMAD exceeding $14 billion last year. “We are so used to taking care of our physical health needs, we need to also care for our mental health,” Kaufman said.
The “fourth trimester” of pregnancy brings new issues and concerns to a woman as she adjusts to her role as a new mother. Financial issues and concerns, changes of body shape, sleep deprivation, and loss of personal freedom, time or sense of self all contribute to mental health concerns in addition to hormonal disturbances, increased family stress and loss or grief (in the case of stillbirth or loss of a child). While 50-80% of new mothers across all cultures get a case of the “baby blues” where they may feel overwhelmed, exhausted or irritated one to three days to two weeks after delivery. If the condition lasts more than two weeks, mental health care is advised.
Anxiety experienced by new mothers can present with physical symptoms as well. The new mother may not eat or drink enough and feel light-headed or have difficulty concentrating. Anxiousness may lead to shortness of breath, difficulty breathing or other physical issues. Women may experience intrusive or repetitive thoughts about harming the baby and then feel guilt. While most of the negative behaviors go away on their own, it is important for family members to show support to the new mother and be alert for behaviors that would merit medical (physical or mental) attention.
While most of the attendees preferred anonymity as to why they attended the session, Dr. Tamar Green of Highland Park came because “as an internist, I wanted a better understanding of what my postpartum patients are going through.”
ATIME was founded in 1993 to ensure no couple enduring primary or secondary infertility would have to struggle alone. The name ATIME was chosen because the word “infertility,” which was unspoken in the Orthodox community until this point, had to be concealed in an acronym. Referrals, guidance, resources and support are available every step of the way on the path to parenthood. While focusing on the larger picture of women’s health, they also offer a wide range of services for those experiencing challenges related to pregnancy loss and general reproductive health. With offices across the United States and satellite offices in Belgium, Israel, the U.K., and Canada, their compassionate team is eager to help in any way they can. For more information visit
https://www.atime.org/ or call 718-686-8912.
