On Monday, June 5, Congregation Keter Torah in conjunction with OHEL featured renowned speaker and clinician Dr. Norman Blumenthal for a two-part series on rebooting marital relationships in an age of social media. Dr. Blumenthal is the Zachter family chair in trauma and crisis counseling at OHEL and the director of the Ohel Miriam Center for Trauma, Bereavement and Crisis Response.
For over three decades, OHEL has been a leader in providing trauma services to the community, leveraging its highly specialized expertise to meet the immediate, medium- and long-term needs of the increasing number of individuals, families and communities affected by trauma. These services are primarily provided through OHEL’s rapid response team and OHEL’s crisis intervention services, which are staffed by a multilingual team of trauma specialists. Dr. Blumenthal and his dedicated team assist so many individuals affected by trauma in their lives, helping in a quiet and unassuming way.
The first part of the series focused on the sanctity of marriage and ways to improve upon a solid working relationship. Dr. Blumenthal presented many studies that indicate that marriage is a good institution. Statistically, people who are married tend to live longer and healthier lives than their single counterparts. That said, there are many young adults today who shy away from the idea of marriage for one reason or another.
“Marriage requires constant regeneration,” explained Blumenthal. “Don’t assume your spouse knows how you feel.” Expressing oneself through verbal communication and gift giving is a critical component in a successful marriage. “Active giving and taking is part of a healthy relationship,” Blumenthal commented. While most prefer to be the giver, it is important to know how to take as well, he added. Re-connecting on a regular basis is important and it doesn’t have to mean an expensive dinner or a trip to Hawaii, Blumenthal said. A walk in the park or a cup of tea works well too. Additionally, recalling the initial courtship has many positive effects on the state of one’s marriage today, he explained. Remembering the excitement shared at the start of the relationship often rejuvenates affection between spouses.
In an age where social media is so encompassing, connecting with your spouse and your family becomes an even greater challenge. Privacy in marriage and family is important, and social media often oversteps boundaries that can be unhealthy to those relationships. Blumenthal emphasized that while the internet can be a very useful tool, “we need to use social media constructively and not allow it to rule us.”
Recommendations offered to enhance marriages included expressions of love on a regular basis (not via text) and spending quality time together (not in front of a big screen TV). Dr. Blumenthal also proposed taking a sincere interest in your spouse’s passions. “Make the other person’s interests your own, and always listen intently to your spouse.” Our attraction to social media often grasps our attention and literally redirects our eyes and ears from a family member to perhaps a cellphone nearby.
Dr. Blumenthal lightened up a topic that by nature is very private and difficult to discuss publicly. The audience appreciated his very real approach to everyday life as well as many humorous anecdotes he shared with the crowd. At the conclusion of his talk, he stressed the idea that nobody is perfect and therefore no marriage is perfect. If we don’t accept imperfections in ourselves and others around us, we can easily become discouraged. “Just like there aren’t perfect people, there aren’t perfect marriages,” he said.
“I was extremely pleased with the response to the publicity for this program and to the attendance at the first lecture . Strengthening the Jewish family is an essential component of community building and most importantly for the stability of couples and their children. Dr Blumenthal brilliantly presented Torah values and psychological insights into the dynamics of marital relations and practical techniques to reinforce these bonds. This coming week he will discuss some of the challenges of maintaining healthy relationships in the face of new technologies and modes of communication. We are greatful to Rabbi Donath and Ohel for partnering with us in this program,” said Rabbi Shalom Baum, spiritual leader of Keter Torah.
Part II of the series is scheduled to take place at Congregation Keter Torah on Monday, June 12, at 8 p.m. The topic will be “Marital Boundaries” and is open to the entire community.
By Andrea Nissel
