“Sarah laughed inside, saying, ‘after I have withered shall I again have smooth skin?’” (Bereishit 18:12)

This was Sarah’s understandable response to the announcement that she was going to have a child.

Sarah was called to task by Hashem for her response to this miraculous news.

Rashi (Bereishit 17:17) points out that Avraham also laughed when told he was about to have a child, yet Hashem did not rebuke him. What is the difference? He answers this question by noting that Onkelos translates the word laughter differently in each case. Avraham laughed out of joy, whereas Sarah laughed out of disbelief.

I would like to offer another possible explanation that does not force us to distinguish between these two uses of the same word:

Laughter is often a reaction to a surprise, to confusion or a jarring shock. We react to the unexpected often nervously, and we laugh. Avraham and Sarah were both stunned to hear that Sarah would give birth at such an old age. As an initial reaction, laughter is not surprising or problematic. The key to understanding the difference between Avraham and Sarah lay in the rest of their response. Avraham, immediately after laughing, began to delve into a deeper understanding of what he had just been told. He asked Hashem why Yishmael could not be his heir. The question itself shows us that he overcame and reassessed his initial surprise and was taking the news of Sarah having a child seriously. Hashem responded that the biological matriarch of the Jewish people would be Sarah.

Sarah’s response following her initial laughter, in stark contrast, was silence. Hashem was not disturbed by the initial reaction of surprise demonstrated by laughter. This was an understandable natural response for both Avraham and Sarah. Hashem was bothered that Sarah did not probe or dissect her initial reaction and try to further understand the topic about which she was surprised. This is why Hashem felt a need to continue the conversation and ask Avraham why she laughed. To make matters worse, when confronted with this question and given a second opportunity to remedy her original laughter, she denied that she had laughed. Hashem’s response to Sarah that she did laugh is about her failure to pause and reconsider her initial inclination. In pointing out that Sarah laughed, Hashem was also highlighting that this was all that she did.

This is an important lesson for parents and educators. We often react to people or events in manners that are less than laudatory. We may have a negative impression of someone or something, or have an initial feeling of jealousy, anger or hatred. How we follow up on these initial inclinations tells far more about our character than the initial inclinations themselves. Hiding these initial reactions and pretending they do not exist is not helpful. Far better to acknowledge the reaction, think about why it is inadequate or problematic, and change the response. Impressions or thoughts need to be reflected upon and pondered, and if found to be negative, discarded. In this sense, Avraham serves as a model of self reflection.

By Rabbi Daniel Alter

 Rabbi Daniel Alter is the head of school at Moriah.