My father and brother spent the last few years of their lives in nursing homes. My brother was in a skilled nursing facility in San Francisco, and my father was in a nursing home in West Orange. Visiting them was tough for all of us, me, my husband and our son. And it was hard on my father and brother as well. This all took place before I recognized that I had a gift of organizing and that there was a name (and career) associated with this special skill.
I’d like to share with you how I found my way to make these visits fun, productive and memorable.
My father was in his 70s when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. The dementia diagnosis came later but we knew for years that his mental capacity and executive function were declining. My first visit to the nursing home was confusing for me. How do I act, what do I do, what do I say? My father was sitting quietly in bed with the television blasting. By this time he was not one for conversation; I expected to have to draw it out of him. Nothing much was happening so I decided to do what I do best…organize.
I began by telling Dad that I was going to sort through his closet and make it pretty. He watched me as I took his shirts out and sorted them by short sleeve, long sleeve, sweaters, then pants. I eventually brought in all matching hangers which became a bit of a burden as the nursing home’s laundry would bring shirts back on wire hangers. (Think of Faye Dunaway in “Mommy Dearest”—that would be me!)
Since I had sewn all his name tags in his clothing I was confident that he was getting at least 90 percent of his clothing back. Sometimes the laundry would include a shirt or a pair of pants from another resident, which I would promptly bring down to the laundry for them to distribute to the proper owner. Once the closet was completed, I would start on the drawers: underwear, socks, t-shirts, hankies. All nicely folded and accounted for. I felt good, I chatted away while I was folding, and in some way it was entertaining for my father (at least I hope so). Looking back, it was a foreshadow of my future career.
My brother moved into Laguna Honda in San Francisco after he could no longer live on his own. Charles and his motorized wheelchair moved into a private room in Clarendon Hall. Those visits included going out for walks in the neighborhood, going on the transit system for an occasional celebratory dinner downtown or walking across the street from Laguna Honda for a nice dinner at one of the two restaurants in his neighborhood where “everyone knew his name.” During his last few years, those meals became interesting as my brother needed to be fed. But he always had a smile on his face and was always telling jokes.
Sometimes when we were back in his room, I would start sorting through clothing in his closet and drawers. Many of his clothes were unwearable because they were too small, not easily worn due to his disability and no longer comfortable for his lifestyle in the wheelchair. We sorted, we bagged and we tossed. Again, my future was right in front of me and I did not know it. And I would be remiss if I forgot to mention that on one trip we took a spin down to the Laguna Honda laundry to see just how they handled the laundry needs for a large population. It was fascinating (I know, Eileen, get a life)! What can I say, I love doing laundry.
Some people play card games, some play rummy cube, some bring baked goods when visiting their loved ones. I organized and that is how I survived my visits and made some joyful memories.
Happy organizing no matter where you are!
By Eileen Bergman
Eileen Bergman is a Professional Organizer, a proud member of the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO) and the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD). Eileen is listed in the resource directory for the Hoarding Disorder Resource and Training Group. Eileen may be reached at 973-303-3236 or [email protected].
