Every one of us knows someone who fits into the above category. Whether a close friend, family member or spouse, or someone we meet in the street, the office, or a store, we all know such a person.
Just a few weeks ago, Nina had an encounter with one of these know-it-alls. At a medical facility she visited because she was feeling unwell she was diagnosed within three minutes as having the flu. Her throat was killing her, her nose was running and every bone in her body was aching. There were no swabs done to check on the possibility of strep or the flu, or the possibility of a viral infection. Due to the frustration of our children who deemed it impossible for the person who checked her to know conclusively what she had within such a short period of time, Nina called the practitioner back. The response was that she has done this for 20 years and knows what she is talking about. After purchasing Tamiflu and feeling worse and worse, Nina consulted with our family doctor who, after doing all tests necessary, deemed this bug not to be the flu. So much for the $75 spent on the medication, but most disconcerting was the attitude of the medical professional who was annoyed that she was being challenged.
There are those who know that Tide is definitely the very best soap to get out the stains from our children’s clothing, even though Consumer Reports has said many times that Kirkland brand detergent is far superior. The same with Bounty paper towels as opposed to Kirkland brand, and many others. Some people refuse to hear these facts. They just know that they are right.
How many of us know better than our children’s teachers? Our teaching professionals spend each day sharing their love, expertise and attention with our children and then little Benny comes home and repeats something that his teacher said. Immediately the child is told that the teacher is wrong. There is not even a suggestion that perhaps the child had misinterpreted what the teacher said or that the parents just ultimately disagreed with the teacher.
Equally disturbing are family members who are sure that they are right about everything. The benefit of the doubt can only be given to a person so much. For some people the need to correct is so great that they are rarely listening to the person with whom they are having a conversation. A typical example would be someone declaring that a specific singer is coming to Roemer to sing on Chol Hamoed Sukkot and being told that they are absolutely wrong; it is another singer. Such innocuous conversations are annoying when there is a pattern and they almost seem to be predictable.
We have dealt with this conundrum many times over the years. We do have choices of how to maintain contact with those who annoy us in this fashion. Certainly in the case of the medical facility that we visited we have chosen to never return there. It is not as easy in the instances of close friends or family members. We feel, and this is important around the chagim, that it is not worth causing dissension in a family by ruining relationships. Especially if we know that the person’s behavior is predictable and we are able to step back and see their other commendable attributes. Families are too important and meaningful to divide. Yes, we could ask ourselves why that person does not see the need to change. Obviously they do not and even if they do they are unable to. Each of us has traits that we would like to change that are extremely challenging to overcome. How many of us realize that we are too judgemental and are working on this challenge? It is not easy to change oneself. It is therefore more important in situations where we choose to be involved with someone who irks us (such as a family member) that we concentrate more on working on ourselves instead of zeroing in on them. Particularly at this time of year. Gmar chatima tova!
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
