You’re a parent who has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars educating your child in Jewish day schools and maybe a year or two of yeshiva/seminary in Israel. Now you are sending him or her off to live at a secular college. Are you risking that investment?

That’s the question Rabbi Menachem Schrader asked himself more than a decade ago while teaching at Yeshivat Ha Mivtar in Israel. He saw hundreds of students leaving a totally Jewish environment to enter college, where a marketplace of ideas and lifestyles would be spread before them at a time when they were exploring and developing their identities. He thought this was the last opportunity to reach them before they became full-fledged adults responsible for their life choices.

“About 75 percent of day school graduates attend secular college, ” Rabbi Schrader said. And while there are kiruv groups on campus trying to reach non-religious Jews, the Orthodox students were being ignored.”

Rabbi Schrader said that when he went to college several decades ago, most Orthodox students went to a local college and came home. But then it became accepted to go away to a secular campus where there was no religious environment.

“The education we give our children is how to be Jewish within a community. Modern Orthodox life is communal—shuls, schools and camps are all about doing with others. Then you send a child to university without a community, telling them to go be Jewish, and they don’t know how.” Blending social and religious life is important for college students, he added.” A university can have kosher food but if there is no community, the motivation for students to stay religious is small. They’ll feel like a fish out of water.”

Rabbi Schrader spoke to a number of people and then created the Heshey and Harriet Seif Jewish Learning Initiative on Campus (JLIC) with the Orthodox Union (OU) and Hillel, a national Jewish student organization. The idea was to put couples, committed Torah educators, on campus to be role models of Orthodox life for male and female students and provide learning options that would keep them involved. The program started in 2000 with two campuses and has grown to 16, serving thousands of students. Each campus program is different, with the couple on site having discretion to meet the needs of the students they serve.

Rabbi Ilan Haber, National Director of JLIC, says the JLIC couple provides support to students who are confronting challenges to their belief system on campus.” The strongly held beliefs of Orthodox students are an anomaly on campus, ” he said. “We worship Hashem. We hold that the Torah was divinely inspired. The basic assumption of university is that different ideologies all have a place. The Bible is literature. It challenges faith and the process leads to subtle pressure.”

Rabbi Robby Charnoff and his wife Shoshanna run the JLIC program at Queens College in Kew Gardens Hills, New York, home to a large Orthodox population and a wide variety of shuls, yeshivot and kosher food establishments. While Queens has long been a magnet for local Orthodox residents, it is attracting an increasing number of students from New Jersey, Long Island and Westchester who are choosing to live there in the newly-built dormitory or private apartments and houses.

“Queens is moving from being a commuter campus to having a big Jewish community of students living here, ” Rabbi Charnoff said. “They are leaving their parents’ homes and coming here, building their own community of their peers. We want to provide what they need on campus, and get the students themselves invested in running these programs.”

The Charnoffs’ first goal was to create Shabbos at Queens. They helped organize a Shabbos Committee in Hillel run by students with monthly communal Shabbos meals. They also arrange meals and sleeping accommodations for students who want to stay. “There are hundreds of students around here who don’t know each other, ” Rabbi Charnoff said. “This gives them a chance to meet.”

He and his wife offer shiurim on Friday night and at Shabbos after kiddush, often sponsored by students for a yahrzeit, birthday or other occasion. The Charnoffs have an open house Seudah Shlishit with anywhere from 20-80 students. There are also a Purim Seudah and a Pre-Pesach Round Robin D’var Torah. Students can attend learning groups based on their interests in halakha, philosophy and chumash.

Says Mrs. Charnoff, “On erev Shabbos, the girls see me preparing my shiur, making soup and caring for my baby. Educated college women need someone to connect to. Many developed close relationships with teachers at seminary in Israel, but they’re half a world away. . . . It’s important for young people to understand what they’re doing and why. Why dress a certain way? Eat a certain way? It would be so much easier not to. When you understand the beauty of what you’re doing, you have confidence in your Judaism. . . . It has to be meaningful and exciting. We can’t depend on schools. As parents, we have to be aware of how we bring up our children, how we do Shabbos, what our goal is. Judaism can’t be forced.

“Students have to decide beforehand what they are going to do and not going to do. Know that you won’t do a certain activity or eat at a non-kosher buffet.” That’s why students have to pick friends wisely.” You’re going to hang out, meet friends and have a core group. You want a friend who will say, ‘Let’s go to a shiur’ or ‘Don’t go out with that non-Jewish guy.”

The Charnoffs are slowly rolling out a men’s Beit Midrash in the morning and a women’s Midrasha program in the afternoon. They are hoping when it gets into place students will plan their schedules around it.

Several recent graduates and current students from Englewood and Teaneck told JLBC about living as Orthodox Jews on secular college campuses. All said the colleges provided the resources they needed in terms of minyanim, kosher food and Shabbos observance, mostly through Hillel and Chabad. Students on campuses with JLIC said the couples were very helpful and many students develop close ties with them—often later inviting them to their weddings. The students all faced challenges created by the diversity of people and lifestyles around them, but emerged surer of themselves and their Judaism. As the saying goes, the strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire.

“My biggest concern was that [until I went to college] everything Jewish had been taken care of for me and when I went to Queens College I would have to seek it out for myself, ” said Michael Goldman, a 2013 graduate. “I had always taken things for granted, like davening and being with people all day in the same mind set. At college, you have to learn how to do things on your own.”

Goldman said the challenges make you learn a lot about yourself, like what’s important to you and what your values are. “It was difficult but rewarding,” he said. “There was a sense of accomplishment in making things work and having a meaningful religious experience.”

Like most of the New Jersey students who live at Queens, Goldman came home almost every Shabbos during his first year but began staying more frequently. Hillel has a free Shabbos dinner on the first and last Shabbos of the month, which attracts 250-300 people and throughout the semester there are paid Shabbatons. The Shabbos Committee arranges meals and accommodations at the homes of students for anyone who wants to stay.

The college dormitory could easily become a source of conflict but I heard of very few. Most colleges will allow students to choose roommates and that solves the inherent dilemma of a Shomer Shabbos Jew living with a secular or non-Jewish roommate. But even students who don’t request a roommate can have a good experience.

The JLIC couple at Rutgers University, Rabbi Akiva and Nataly Weiss have seen the full gamut of experiences Orthodox Jewish students encounter on campus. They spoke candidly about the challenges students face in a Shabbos afternoon lecture given at Vacation Village, a second home community in the Catskills where they ran the day camp this summer.

“Students have a sense of freedom at college. For the first time in their lives no one is telling them what to do,” said Rabbi Weiss. “There are lots of temptations.”

The Weisses want to be a resource. “Students often would go into cafes or coffee shops, trying to figure out for themselves what they could eat, what foods were kosher, ” said Rabbi Weiss. “So I went to the cafes and made a list I could give to students about what they could eat or drink and what they couldn’t.”

They also set up a Shabbos lunch program because students who had no place to go were eating cereal in their dorm rooms. Mrs. Weiss spends hours making the home cooked meals for them to enjoy. The first time, 35 students showed up. Now it can be up to 70. The Shabbos program relies completely on donations and they often work from week-to-week to secure the necessary funding—and students often donate their own money. They said a student once showed up at their home during the week and handed Rabbi Weiss an envelope with $60 saying, ‘Rabbi, this is my tzedakah money for the semester and I want it to go to your Shabbos lunches. Please make sure they don’t ever stop.”

Kosher food, seasoned with a liberal dose of caring, can keep a student in the fold when the logistics of college life conflict. Mrs. Weiss said one student traveling with the debate team would be away for Shabbos, so they insisted he take a “Shabbos-to-Go!”package along. Later, he wrote to tell them how much that meant to him.

Rabbi Weiss always asks students what they wish they had learned more about in high school. “They always say that would have liked more about practical halakha. And they say teachers often discouraged them from asking questions that were too challenging for them to handle.” He posits that this is a contributing factor for some students who loosen their ties to Judaism when they go to college.

Aaron Stiefel, who graduated from Rutgers with a BA and MBA in 2009 said his roommate Hank, “a wonderful Chinese-American, “was very respectful and a great help at Pesach.” Hank hid my chametz/leaven for me while I davened Ma’ariv in the lounge, ” Stiefel said. “He also bought my chametz for all four years of college and would eat/pay like a real sale.”

Stiefel said Shabbos at Rutgers was “the social event of the week, where both religious and cultural Jews came together to enjoy food and each other’s company.” He said Hillel had Orthodox, Conservative and Reform minyanim on Shabbos and many students went to dinner and both Hillel and Chabad to see all their friends.

Shaina Stiefel, Aaron’s sister, a 2013 graduate, served on the Hillel student board for two years and ran the Friday night Shabbos dinner at Hillel. “My job was to make sure dinner was set up,” she said. “On average, we got about 150 people.”

When he started living off campus, Stiefel usually went to a minyan at Hillel and then went to Shabbos lunch at a friend’s house, or at home, where there would be from 8-25 people. “Our meals were generally large and would go into the afternoon, with hanging out and board/card games.”

Stiefel advises incoming Orthodox freshmen to be proud of who they are and communicate openly. “Rutgers is like the world and is real preparation for dealing with society when Jewish youth enter the workforce and need to make cultural, religious and personal decisions.”

Brandeis, near Boston, occupies a unique niche. A current student said, “Brandeis has a Jewish culture, but there are lots of different kinds of Jews and their levels of observance are all different. And everyone is passionate about their Judaism.” There are minyanim three times a day. On Shabbos, Hillel and Chabad have dinners and once a year they have one together. For lunch, one side of the cafeteria has kosher food and everyone eats together. The Brandeis Orthodox Organization (BOO) runs Kiddush, Mincha and Ma’ariv and Seudah Shlishit.

There are no classes on Jewish holidays, and the teachers are pretty well informed. She recalled one Purim when she had a class right before going to the seudah. “The teacher said, ‘Anyone who has a religious requirement to get drunk can leave now. ’”

“It’s easy to be observant at Brandeis, but there are spiritual difficulties,” the student noted. “I like to spend my free time in the Beis Midrash, but I don’t want to socialize with boys—and that’s where the boys go. It’s a problem,” she notes. She says her understanding of the world has changed since Brandeis. “It’s an interesting cultural experience. I feel like a representative of my form of Orthodoxy. It’s a good chinuch opportunity and I don’t want to blow it.”

The University of Pennsylvania attracts a sizable percentage of Orthodox students and has all the resources they need. Shlomo Klapper, now in his second year, says kosher food is always available on campus and there are two Shachris, Mincha and Ma’ariv minyonim daily. Klapper said teachers are very accommodating about students taking off for holidays, will move test dates and agree to have lectures recorded. The Orthodox Community at Penn (OCP) coordinates all resources, including Shabbos activities.

“Shabbos is beautiful at Penn. It’s what convinced me to come, ” Klapper said. He noted the “huge davening” followed by a “strong tisch/oneg” in a warm, friendly environment.

Ariella Barel, a senior, said, “Shabbos on campus is incredible; the atmosphere is kind of like being in camp—fun, relaxing, and lots of free time to spend with your friends.” While Hillel has Shabbos meals, she said most Orthodox students who live off campus have group pot luck meals at home.

Barel is very involved with the Hillel student chesed group.” We plan events that are open to the whole university to raise money for various charities.”

Barel advises freshmen to choose friends “who care about and love Judaism as much as you do. But that doesn’t mean you should avoid the secular world completely. You really can get the best of both worlds.”

Shabbos at Binghamton University also gets accolades from students. Chabad and Hillel have Friday night and Saturday morning services. Chabad has Shabbos dinner. Said one student, “It is a very warm and accepting atmosphere. The food is always home cooked and you get to relax and see everyone. Being Jewish is so easy at Binghamton.”

So, about that investment you made in your child’s Jewish education. Are you putting it at risk on a college campus? Not if you’ve done your homework to find the best fit and your child is invested in his own Jewish identity. With a little help from their friends at JLIC, Hillel and Chabad, this is a test our children can ace.

By Betty Schwartz