While I agree with some of the things that were mentioned in the letter “Bring Back the Spirit of Purim” (February 27, 2020), I would like to offer some counterpoints.

I think a lot of the pressure that people feel has to do with where they live. It is also oftentimes a product of ourselves pressuring, well, ourselves. For example, I live in Fair Lawn where the mishloach manot are not commonly gigantic, nor are we giving it to 126 people, so the pressure scale is a lot lower. Many people give very small mishloach manot and put a sticker on saying “Happy Purim, from the LowBudgetsteins!” Do we think any less of them or of their capacity as a frum Jew? Lehavdil! I think, “Wow, how can I make my shalach manos like that next year?!” It doesn’t have to be extravagant to be nice.

For budgeting purposes, if you’re giving through your shul, then all of the people listed on there are yotzei. You’re done. Then you’re free to give to your friends. If you are so inclined to give more than that, do so, but don’t beat yourself up over it. As far as the driving around pressure, some people actually enjoy that. They get a chance to see their friends’ costumes and show their own and talk about the day for 30 seconds until they’re on to the next stop.

Some other things that people enjoy about this specific holiday is writing a poem for their bags. I don’t understand why that is a problem. If someone is not into rhyming, they don’t. It’s not because they can’t, but rather ‘cause they won’t. For some people, baking can be quite cathartic, especially when their 2-year-olds are already in bed after a long day. Also, baking is infinitely cheaper than buying items to put into your shalach manos. If cost is an issue, you bake or cook something. I have heard of a woman who makes an enormous pot of soup and keeps it on the stove on Purim day. People come to her house for her delicious shalach manos soup that she ladles into a bowl when they come to deliver (with a cracker on the side as the second bracha). You can be so creative and give in so many different ways that don’t have to break the bank and can still be very impressive.

May I please harp on one specific line from the original letter? “Please save your talents and show it all off when you are planning a simcha.” Why are we showing off at a simcha? Is that what our smachot are about? And then what difference would it make to “show off” our talents on a holiday versus a simcha? Isn’t it better to be pirsumei nisa on a chag than to have an extravagant bat mitzvah that puts all others to shame? (Speaking of keeping up with the Joneses, but that’s a whole other topic altogether…) I love the idea of a grab bag for the kids’ school friends; that should be universal. You could even cap it at $5-10 and have a nice shalach manos.

When all is said and done there is a lot of pressure around Purim. I believe the pressure is not just for Purim, but other holidays as well. And also in all aspects of our lives. (I don’t want to bring up fourth graders having phones or iPads, so I won’t even mention it.) It just depends on how we ourselves respond to it. Don’t let it get to you and you’ll enjoy the chag so much more. Or let it get to you and you’ll be motivated to do something outstanding… but not extravagant. It’s up to you.

Chag Purim Sameach.