Pesach is a wonderful time to ask questions. During the Seder everyone is encouraged to be inquisitive, as long as the barrage of queries does not delay dinner. Even if Seder participants are query-less, the Haggadah forces the issue through the recitation of The Four Questions, which essentially wonder why the Seder night is different from all other nights. Of course, in the Diaspora the first Seder night is no different from the second Seder night, except that the second Seder night features fatigue and a never-ending feeling of deja-vu.

While The Four Questions are incisive and insightful, one could argue that many other questions abound during the Seder that often go unasked. We are talking about the type of questions that loiter in your subconscious, haunt your dreams and play with your mind. Questions that leave you lost in a wilderness of bewilderment or, as herein coined, in a “bewilderness.” Questions that leave you scratching your head so much that everyone is convinced you have lice. Questions that make you seriously reconsider the old adage that “there are no dumb questions.” As you will soon see, there clearly are dumb questions and even dumber answers.

Question #1: Why is there chocolate-covered matzah on Pesach but no chocolate-covered challah during the rest of the year?

Answer: Because humans are slow-evolving. Rest assured, at some point in the future everything will be chocolate-covered, including challah, brisket, gribenes, kugel and gefilte fish. Even chocolate itself will be covered in an additional layer of chocolate. It will be a chocolate utopia, albeit with one likely casualty: dessert, which will be rendered obsolete. Such is the price of progress.

Question #2: During the Seder, why do some participants read aloud in Hebrew while others read aloud in English?

Answer: Those who read in Hebrew want to show their parents that yeshiva tuition was not a waste. Those who read in English would rather fully understand exactly what they are reading.

Question #3: How frustrating is it when Seder participants are using different types of Haggadahs, thus making it impossible to keep everyone on the same page?

Answer: Almost as frustrating as those who insist on singing every single paragraph of the Haggadah or, even worse, those who sing in bizarre and relatively unpleasant “family” tunes that none of their guests know or enjoy.

Question #4: How angry do you feel when it’s time to sing “Echad Mi Yodeya” but there are fourteen people at the Seder and, because you are number fourteen, you are left out?

Answer: Not nearly as angry as when your parents declare that the maror symbolizes the pain and sadness you have caused by choosing to marry for love rather than wealth.

Question #5: Why do Sephardic Jews eat rice during Pesach but Ashkenazic Jews do not?

Answer: Because not all Jews are alike. For example, some Jews spend Pesach pampering themselves at over-the-top lavish resorts while other Jews actually “Leerot et atzmo ki-Eluhu yatzah mi-Mitzrayim.”

Question #6: Why do some Jews brag that their Seder did not end until three o’clock in the morning?

Answer: The same reason some Jews brag that their shmura matzah was under stricter supervision than yours.

Question #7: Should adults participate in the search for the afikoman?

Answer: No, just like children should not cook the Seder meal and the family pet should not open the door for Eliyahu Ha-Navi.

Question #8: Why is kosher-for-Passover cereal so high in sugar?

Answer: Because the manufacturers of kosher-for-Passover cereal are secretly controlled by a nefarious cartel of self-serving dentists who view cavities as cash.

Question #9: Given how many products are kosher for Passover in this day and age, are we eventually going to have kosher-for-Passover bread?

Answer: No, because that would be antithetical to the holiday. For comparison, it would be like putting a sukkah in your living room, cheering for Haman or being sad on Simchat Torah.

Question #10: Can a Seder have too many people?

Answer: Technically, no… but those preparing the meal may feel differently.

Question #11: Which is more potent, red or white horseradish?

Answer: It depends on the brand and the year but either way, be sure to warn your sinuses: “Incoming!”

Question #12: Is it permissible to have a Seder all by yourself?

Answer: Technically, yes, a solo Seder is allowed, especially under current circumstances. But a solo Seder will make the finding of the afikoman incredibly anti-climactic.

Question #13: During the Seder, is it permissible to drink more than four cups of wine?

Answer: Who cares?!?! This year, drink as many as you want.

Final thought: Literally but not figuratively, it is easier to break matzah than to break bread.