How many times in the past several days have we heard the same words repeated over and over? “There are no words.” “It makes no sense.” “How does one go on from here?” and the most powerful and disturbing, but understandable “How could Hashem let this happen?”
I do not know any of the answers. No one could possibly even suggest that they do. I remember this kind of loss to have been one of the most awkwardly difficult times in the life of a rav. People come to their rav for answers, in most cases, when they are hurting the most. A relative is sick, a child is dying etc. etc. etc. What rav can give an answer to the tragedies that have befallen so many families, friends, students, rabbanim in the past few days?
We understand that there are no answers and it would be ridiculous to try to create them. I feel like a lost soul in trying to explain this tragedy just to myself but how does one even make an attempt to explain it to their children? I do not think that I have ever met Donny Morris, z”l.
The closest that I come to the family is that the Morris family roots are embedded in Rochester, New York. Yet, I feel this desperate need to comfort them, to reach out to do something that would be helpful to them, and I know that the only thing I can really do that would have any meaning is try to be a better person in the zechut of Donny’s neshama finding his place in shamayim doing all of the things there that he excelled in here.
It is very easy to point fingers. The passageway was too dangerous, the bleacher seating began to collapse, these events have happened many times over in various venues. How many of those tragedies convinced those who were greatly affected by losses, or psychological trauma that it was time to better their lives by being kinder and more understanding of others? How many are still angry and blaming anyone they can to relieve their pain?
I have learned that the only thing I can do when unfathomable things happen to those we know and love is to work on myself. Blaming is so easy, accepting is torturous and almost impossible and only comes with years and years of pain, but at the same time we all have the capability of concentrating on one midah at a time that requires improvement. Changing can take tremendous effort but we should be concentrating on the motivation we need instead of thinking about the negative that we carry around with us everywhere.
After hearing both of Donny’s parents speak at his levaya I realized that it was because of his upbringing that he became the young man that he was and that they will eventually be able to move on slowly with the knowledge that actually there is no choice if they want to do and emulate all of the things that their special son would have wanted of them.
Certainly none of us should need a rude awakening such as this tragedy to remind us of our good fortunes no matter how big or little they are. Hold onto each other because in a blink of any eye it is possible for our total life to turn upside down. Put aside the pettiness and concentrate on the good. What we are enjoying today may not be here tomorrow. The message for all of us to learn here is that none of us know what tomorrow will bring. Relish the moment and in the zechut of an aliyah for Donny’s neshama be grateful for everything around you, most importantly, those in your family. In a split second you may never see or speak with them again. Let the lessons of life teach us all to always let the sun shine around us even when it is cloudy. May Nachman Doniel’s neshama have an aliyah each day with the knowledge that all of us are trying to be better people in his zechut.
Nina Glick lives in Bergenfield with her husband, Rabbi Mordechai Glick, after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. Nina coordinated all Yachad activities in Montreal and was a co/founder of Maison Shalom, a group home for special needs young adults. She can be reached at [email protected].
