In this week’s parsha we encounter a startling shift in the tone of Sefer Bamidbar. The first parshiyot describe the nation’s preparations for the departure from Har Sinai—with much text dedicated to the size of the nation and its tribes, and a detailed description of their encampment. God also commands important details to the nation regarding their impending travels. The picture painted is one of an inspired nation preparing to march toward its ultimate destination, Eretz Yisrael, and doing so in a thoughtful and profound way.
Yet, soon after Am Yisrael begin their travels, a dramatic shift takes place. The Torah describes that “Vayehi k’mitoninim, and the nation was like complainers.” This event soon snowballs into a slew of complaints and sins committed by Bnei Yisrael over the coming parshiyot—including the Sin of the Spies, the rebellion of Korach, and other, smaller, challenges to Hashem. The contrast is startling. How could this great nation—after spending almost a year at the foot of Mount Sinai, learning God’s Torah and preparing for its continued journey through the desert—so suddenly lose its way?
The Midrash Yelamdeinu gives a famous description of Am Yisrael’s departure that sheds light on these events. The Midrash notes that although Moshe commanded the people to keep a normal pace and travel the standard distance of a day’s travels on each day, Am Yisrael ran from Har Sinai so quickly that they managed to journey the distance of three days in one day—“like a young child running away from school.”
The imagery created by this midrash is quite stark. It describes a nation that, burdened by its newfound obligations, runs from Har Sinai to get away—a nation intent upon escape, like a school child running from school to break away from its shackles. With this imagery in mind, the continuation of Sefer Bamidbar can be understood. If despite all the preparations and arrangements, Bnei Yisrael left Har Sinai intent upon escaping the responsibilities of Torah—if their mindset was one of resentment—then it’s no wonder that they quickly found themselves on a path of complaint and challenge toward Hashem.
This midrash also highlights an important connected point. The incredible spiritual level that the Jews achieved at Sinai, the unique revelation of God that they witnessed, all the time spent studying His Torah and planning their continued journey—none of it mattered if their departure from Har Sinai was marked by bitterness. The most important moment of the entire Har Sinai experience is the moment of departure from the mountain. If that moment is fraught with frustration, then all that precedes it becomes meaningless—as the nation descends into sin.
The message for us parents is incredibly profound. We have often stressed the importance of taking a long-term approach to parenting—and sometimes giving up on short-term gains to achieve our ultimate goals. The above midrash highlights this point very powerfully. As we raise our children, we must not only consider the moments when our children are growing up in our home, but we must be cognizant of that future moment when they will exit our home as well. How they leave our home, and their attitude towards us and their Judaism as they do so, will go far in determining our success as parents.
In the first paragraph of Chovas HaTalmidim, the Piaczesna Rebbe stresses this point by quoting Mishlei, “Chanoch l’naar al pi darko; gam ki yazkin lo yasur mimena, Educate each child according to his path, such that even when he gets older he won’t stray from it.” The pasuk’s message, the Rebbe notes, is that the ikar of chinuch isn’t what we teach our kids when they are young and we have control over them. The primary purpose of chinuch is to instill within our children the values for a life of continued avodat Hashem and growth. Our goal is not for them to do what we want right now—but to ensure that “they will not stray from the path” even when they are older. If we force our kids to listen when they are younger, but do it in a way that creates animosity, then, God forbid, they may ultimately leave our home—and its accompanying values and principles—“like a child running away from school.” We will clearly not accomplish our goals.
Attaining the necessary balance isn’t easy—but the first step is to be thoughtful and mindful about how we parent. Often in the heat of the moment our inclination is to make our children act in the way that we want right now. It takes restraint and foresight to take a long-term approach—to make sure that whatever short-terms gains we achieve aren’t at the expense of long-term goals we hope to attain.
In this week’s parsha, Chazal highlight that with all that was achieved spiritually for Am Yisrael at Har Sinai, the nation was doomed to a cascading of transgressions because their moment of departure was one of resentment. This failure should serve as a wakeup call to us parents—encouraging us to be thoughtful and forward thinking in our parenting—so that we successfully imbue our values within our children in a way that will stay with them well after they leave our homes.
Shabbat shalom!
Rav Yossi Goldin is a teacher and administrator who teaches in a number of seminaries and yeshivot across Israel. He currently lives in Shaalvim with his wife and family. He can be reached at [email protected].
