Being a parent can be extremely challenging. It places tremendous demands on our time, energy and resources. We are tasked with taking care of our children’s every need—physical, emotional, religious and beyond. The work is constant and it can create incredible stress, impacting us physically and emotionally.

So why do we do it?

This question is highlighted when considering the main storylines throughout Sefer Bereishit. A cursory reading of the general narratives finds a startling preoccupation with having children.

In this week’s parsha, Hashem commands Avraham to leave Charan and travel to Eretz Yisrael. During this initial encounter, G-d makes two fundamental promises: Avraham will give birth to a great nation, and he will inherit a great land. These two promises—many children and a great land—are repeated by God to Avraham several times, and then again to Yitzchak and Yaakov. Notably absent in these promises (with a few exceptions) are promises for personal greatness, or great personal wealth. Rather, the consistent focus is the promise on children and land.

The focus on having children is seen in other parts of Sefer Bereishit as well. The first commandment given to man is “peru urevu,” “to be fruitful and multiply.” Most of our Imahot—Sarah, Rivka and Rachel—were barren, with much Torah text devoted to describing their prayers to God for children. During a rare moment where God promises Avraham material wealth, Avraham responds, “What will you give me? I am childless!” Material wealth was meaningless to him without children. And lastly, most of the other stories in Sefer Bereishit are connected to parents and children from the opposite direction—as the children of each generation compete for the title of firstborn.

So from a Torah perspective, having children is clearly a primary goal. In truth, many of us innately share that desire for parenthood as well. And within our communities, the goal of getting married and establishing a family is part of the natural progression in life.

Yet in the secular world, these values aren’t necessarily shared. More and more young adults push off marriage and parenthood in favor of advancing their career, or out of a desire to “have a good time” without the demands of parenthood. Additionally, many choose not to have children at all, concerned that raising children will take away from their freedom and independence.

As we noted, Yahadut emphatically rejects this mindset. But why? Given all the challenges of parenthood, why are we expected to sacrifice our own personal needs and desires to raise children?

As we face a world that questions these core values, it behooves us to better understand why parenthood is so important in Judaism, as well as in our minds and hearts. I’d like to highlight a few suggestions.

First, humans have a natural drive to create. This urge, notes Rav Soloveitchik, finds its root at the moment in creation when God commands Adam “v’kivshuha,” “and you shall conquer [the world].” While this natural urge is expressed differently in each person, the push is naturally embedded into our DNA. Creating a child is the most creative act that any human being can partake in—and therefore naturally gives us a sense of accomplishment like no other act can. As God is the ultimate creator, this act of creation also expresses the Godliness implanted within each one of us as well.

Secondly, parenthood enables us to give unconditionally. From the moment a child is born, its parents give of themselves completely to nurture this child. While the types of giving and nurturing shift over time, the basic responsibility and natural tendency of a parent is the same: to give constantly and unconditionally. It’s rare to find another relationship that includes such one-sided and unqualified giving. Rav Dessler, in Michtav M’Eliyahu, explains that therefore the strongest love is that of a parent to a child, because true love is borne from complete and total giving to another. The feeling that comes from giving unconditionally to another is a powerful one—and one that often only parents are privileged to feel.

Finally, the result of these first two points is that in our children we see a continuation of ourselves. Aside from physical attributes and unconditional love, a parent bestows upon his children a way of life. Some commentaries suggest that the Tractate containing life lessons and morals is called “Pirkei Avot” because the lessons contained within are lessons most often given over from parent to child. Our children observe who we are and how we live our lives, and they are impacted deeply by what we model for them. Much of who they become is a product of what we teach them, both consciously and unconsciously. In this way, even when we pass on, a piece of ourselves and our legacy lives on through them and future generations. In that way we are immortalized.

In today’s world it’s accepted to question, and reject, all societal norms—including the natural drive toward parenthood. Given such a reality, we must reaffirm the reasoning behind values that we hold dear—particularly the beauty of parenthood. Doing so strengthens our resolve to make correct decisions—and also helps us get through the daily challenges of parenting by reminding us why we made this decision in the first place.

Wishing everyone a Shabbat shalom!

Rav Yossi Goldin is the menahel tichon at Yeshivat Pe’er HaTorah, rebbe at Midreshet Tehillah, and placement adviser/internship coordinator for the YU/RIETS kollel. He lives with his family in Shaalvim and can be reached at [email protected].