According to Samuel “Shy” Krug, Ph.D., CST, founder and clinical director of Blue Anchor Psychology, a group practice based in Manhattan, one of the most common and normal parts of the human experience over the course of one’s lifetime is dealing with issues concerning sexual health. He explained that there are many reasons why people can experience these challenges, which range from psychological issues like depression or relationship changes to physical ones, including shifts in testosterone and estrogen levels.
Although there may be stigma attached to discussing issues concerning sexual health, Teaneck resident Dr. Krug wants to reassure those who may be experiencing these concerns that it is actually quite common and something that can be openly discussed with your health care provider.
At Blue Anchor Psychology, a practice located in New York City, therapists focus on sexual health and dysfunction, couples therapy, compulsive sexual behaviors and general mental health care including anxiety, depression, trauma and obsessive-compulsive disorder. With a variety of clinicians at various levels of training, Blue Anchor Psychology is able to offer a wide range of services at different price points, and even sliding scales for those with financial limitations.
Dr. Krug said: “Sexual difficulties are both more common and more treatable than many people realize. We are sexual beings from birth until death and over the course of our lifespan we go through all kinds of changes.” He stressed how common it is to experience sexual difficulties and the need for sexual relationships to evolve over time.
“What I typically advise people is if something happens, it is not a cause for panic. The vast majority of people experience something in their sexual relationships that causes difficulty or distress. … If there’s a situation that is starting to become recurrent … or is causing significant distress or dysfunction in the relationship or individually, it may be time to seek assistance.”
He explained that there are two kinds of sexual difficulties: psychogenic and organic sexual dysfunction. Psychogenic sexual difficulty arises from psychological or emotional factors, while organic sexual dysfunction is caused by a medical or health concern, in which case, treatment would likely involve a medical professional. For instance, people who might be suffering from vascular or heart disease often encounter sexual difficulties as well.
Dr. Krug often works closely with medical professionals to facilitate that process. “If somebody does need a medical provider over the course of an evaluation it will become apparent. When there is something that seems to be more psychogenic in origin, or in cases where there is something medical in origin but it is impacting things emotionally or interpersonally, we start talking about different interventions oriented around facilitating communication and engaging your experiences with your partner.”
He added that there are some behavioral interventions that one can do individually or as a part of a couple to help address some issues. “Some of these may involve a deeper exploration about your thoughts about intimacy and relationships or if there are cultural or religious issues that may impact how you approach those parts of your life.” Therapy can involve a combination of addressing the behavioral elements and the dynamics in a relationship, but he said that there can be larger themes present, such as the impact of mood and anxiety or feelings about religion and culture.
So how does one even begin the process? It is a question with which many people struggle. Research has found that a majority of people surveyed would want their health care providers to inquire about their sexual health. Unfortunately, most of them do not and this can perpetuate the problem.
However, Dr. Krug said it is important to acknowledge that this is something a person would
want to discuss, and the conversation can begin at any line of health care, from their primary care physician, OB-GYN, urologist or mental health provider.
It’s also important for people to tune into what values are important to them. “How do you engage those values and how do you try to move towards something that is important to you?” Dr. Krug asked. “The biggest barrier that most people experience is the sense of shame or stigma attached to this subject. The only way to really break that stigma is by having open conversations about this.”
He wants to normalize the conversation about intimacy, sexual health and sexual well-being because this is a part of a person’s experience. “We have no reservations asking someone about their depression or other things. And sexual health should be no different.”
To help break the stigma he encourages the synagogues, communities and communal leaders to open up the conversation. In fact, Dr. Krug is doing just that on Motzei Shabbat, November 6 at 8:30 p.m. Sponsored by Congregation Rinat Yisrael, he will give a talk with Yoetzet Halacha Tova Warburg Sinensky, “Zooming in on Our Relationships—An Event for Men and Women.” Participants will have the opportunity to submit questions anonymously ahead of the event. For more information and links, visit https://www.rinat.org/weeklybrief.
“These are things that we can do to help promote open dialogue,” he said. “But I think on a more micro level, how do people communicate with their romantic partners about these topics? It is quite common for spouses not to even open up to each other about these experiences.” He said that most people shy away from having open and honest conversations about what they want and need out of their relationships.
But it is not just couples who may benefit from these open conversations. “In many cases parents are the first people who have an opportunity to talk to their kids about this subject. How do we talk about that? Do we talk about it in a way where we are instilling shame, guilt and embarrassment or are we educating our kids about the important role of intimacy and touch in sexual relationships within the dynamic of a relationship?”
Dr. Krug feels it is very important to have these conversations within our own families to help kids develop a healthy sense of sexual identity. “We don’t want to send a message to our kids that discussing these topics is shameful and embarrassing because it might cause them to avoid these topics later on in life.”
He also said these open conversations are important because of the misinformation and harmful images kids see on social media. Parents are competing with social media and the abundance of influences that can be very damaging. To counter these effects Dr. Krug advises setting aside time “to talk about their experiences and how they feel. … We want to normalize the experience so kids don’t walk around with shame.”
You can learn more about Dr. Krug and his practice at www.blueanchorpsychology.com
