Can one really love another Jew to the same extent as one loves oneself? While at first glance the famous words of “v’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha” brought in our parsha seem to say yes, however, the basic reading of Ramban would seem to indicate that such a concept is not practical, nor is this the meaning of this lofty charge. As he says, “the human heart cannot accept (i.e., is incapable) to love his friend to the same degree as he loves himself.” Rather, says Ramban, the intention of this famous phrase is that just as we want for ourselves to be successful—be it financially or materialistically, or in terms of being respected and honored, or in terms of becoming knowledgeable and wise—so too we should want that for others. Moreover, it might be implicit in Ramban that included in this mitzvah is desiring for another Jew to advance and attain even more than oneself. To quote, “He should love for his friend to have much good, just like one strives for himself, and he shall not place limits on that love, as the pasuk says about Yonatan that ‘he loved him [David] as he loved himself,’ and he said to David, ‘you will reign over Israel and I will be second to you.’”
Indeed, one can truly wish another “all the best” and be jubilant and elated to see his friend attain success, perhaps even if it’s more than himself.
Ramban opines that it’s not practical and therefore not plausible to command one to love another like oneself. Yet, at the very same time Ramban seems to indicate that one can wish and desire for others to have it better than him. Hence, while these two states of heart would seem to be somewhat contradictory and may seem like an “emotional dissonance,” we nevertheless perhaps see from here that even though one may not love another the same as himself, one is still perhaps able to create room in his heart to want for others to advance even more than himself, and be happy upon seeing his fellow Jew have it better than him.
This idea can perhaps be linked to this week’s haftarah. There we read that Hashem said, “I raised My hand [in oath] for the seed of the house of Yaakov and I made Myself known to them in the land of Egypt…” Who did Hashem make Himself known to in Egypt? The midrash (Shemot Rabbah 3:16) says this is a reference to Aharon Hakohen. For when Hashem came to Moshe and told him to redeem Bnei Yisrael, Moshe said, “Until now, Aharon has been their prophet for 80 years! [This is what it means when Hashem said ‘I made Myself known them, i.e., Aharon, who was a prophet and to whom Hashem revealed Himself to.] Shall I now trespass my brother’s domain and cause him pain?! As we know, Hashem essentially replied back to Moshe that his older brother Aharon will be more than happy to see his younger brother Moshe take on this leadership: “When he sees you he will rejoice in heart” (Shemot 4:14). And as Rashi explains, Hashem was saying, “Don’t think that Aharon will be bothered by you attaining prominence.”
It’s perhaps implicit from Rashi that the potential pain wasn’t the losing of his status per se, but rather that someone else would take that position, and perhaps even more so it being his younger brother, and thus the pain Moshe thought Aharon would have experienced would have been the pain of jealousy. Therefore, Hashem doesn’t say that Aharon won’t be bothered by losing his status, but rather is perhaps saying that Aharon won’t be jealous of you, and in fact, just the opposite: He will want such a thing for you and be elated if you have it.
We see from here an incredible level one can reach in terms of being happy for others even when others have “taken” what seems to have been coming to us.
How does one reach such a level? Ramban himself seems to imply that in this mitzvah of “ve’ahavta,” in essence the Torah is telling us to overcome envy and jealousy.
Indeed, once one lifts this barrier and is no longer bothered if people have it better than him, then perhaps one can come to wish the best for others and be happy with their success, even if it’s more than his own. Hence, we can suggest that Aharon was able to be happy for Moshe perhaps because he had overcome the middah of jealousy.
In this vein, perhaps we can understand the midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 24:5) where R’ Levi says that the Aseret Hadibrot are included within various statements in our parsha. For “lo tachmod, don’t covet,” the parallel is “ve’ahavta lerei’acha kamocha.” What’s the connection and how is “don’t covet” included in ve’ahavta? In light of Ramban, we can say that the desire to covet perhaps hinges upon jealousy, and maybe that’s why “don’t covet” is included in “ve’ahavta” since, as Ramban seems to imply, overcoming jealousy is a necessary prerequisite to come to ve’ahavta.
Rav Avraham Pam in his Haggada (Mareh Kohen pgs. 198-199) says a novelty: Helping the downtrodden who are in a difficult plight, feeling their pain and carrying their burdens with them doesn’t necessarily show the goodness of one’s heart. However, when one is happy for those who are “on top of the world” and have no need for him, that’s an accurate sign of the goodness of his heart.
Moreover, the midrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 15:12) says that Hashem doesn’t elevate a person to a position of leadership until he first tests him, and Rav Pam says that Aharon’s test before reaching prominence was whether he would be happy for Moshe. Hence, more than just being able to help and carry the burdens of those struggling, being happy for those who “made it” and have much going their way—as presented by Aharon’s happiness with Moshe’s success—is more of a qualification for leadership (see “Rav Pam on the Haftaros,” pgs. 127-128).
Perhaps this is so because such a person clearly wants the objective good, a quality vitally necessary to lead people on the right path without being biased. Further, a true leader perhaps doesn’t necessarily “lead others”—i.e., make them feel like they are less than, but rather since he’s happy for other people’s success, even if it’s more than his own, he instills within them the belief that they can be successful, that they can become great, that they can become leaders themselves! Even if it may be at his own expense, it doesn’t matter. That’s a leader.
Binyamin Benji is a graduate of Yeshivas Rabbeinu Yitzchak Elchanan, and Wurzweiler School of Social Work. He currently learns in Eretz Yisroel, and is the author of the Sephardic Congregation of Paramus’ weekly Torah Talk. He can be reached at [email protected].
