Send your kids’ outrageous quotes to [email protected]

“Mommy, I’ve decided I’m going to be Minnie Mouse for Pesach.” anonymous

“My lamb needs a snack. (Eats it). I guess I was hungry too.” anonymous

A child comes home from a playdate: “Mom, I have two words for you: Cheese. Balls.” anonymous

And more from Batya:

“Mommy, stop telling people what to do. You’re always bossing everyone around, do this, don’t do that, enough already.” Um, Batya, that’s my job, I’m a mommy.

“What the heck is going on here!?” Batya, don’t say heck. “But you say heck!” Well, I’m wrong, I shouldn’t. “Fine. So when you stop saying heck, I’ll stop saying heck.”

“Mommy, when we get home I wanna put on a bathing suit and go swimming,” Sorry, Batya, it’s not bathing suit weather yet. “Well, it’s hot outside, so can we at least get slurpees”??

Batya went to sleep at 11 p.m. after partying all day and we expected a late morning. But when I tried to get her to go to school at 11:30, “I can’t go Mommy, I don’t feel good—I have papercuts!” She gives new meaning to the term drama queen.

I’m trying to figure out the crazy-loom bracelet thingy with Batya and I don’t seem to be getting it right. She got frustrated with me and declared: “Listen to me, listen to your daughter. I know what I’m talking about, you don’t. This is a toy. I am a child. I know about toys, you don’t. You’re an adult.” She walks away while I continue to struggle, saying, “Call me when you’re ready to listen to me.”