We spent Monday evening attending the lecture and film presentation offered to the community as a combined effort of all of the local Jewish elementary schools. A screening took place of the documentary “Screenagers.” The purpose, we believe, was to emphasize to all of us the need to put our electronic devices down. Certainly we cannot expect our children to do so if they constantly see their parents walking around with their cell phone attached to their bodies as if it was an extra limb. We all joke about it, but the destruction that is being done to families and relationships, according to many studies, has been overwhelming. Dr. David Pelcovitz shared many stories of what pervades the homes where cell phone use has taken over everyday discussion between parent and child. Each person is too busy to talk to each other face to face.
It was exactly seven years ago this month that we moved here and found ourselves total outsiders because we were not texters. No longer would our children feel the need to pick up the telephone and call us. Actually they did call and chastise us for not having answered their texts. Texts? What happened to the pleasant sound of voices having both happy and worrisome discussions? The world was finding it much easier to put everything they were going to say in one sentence, maybe two at the most. I have often said that I think that it takes longer to write one’s thoughts than to say them. Yet texting has taken over the world. Even the beauty and joy of choosing a wedding invitation has been relegated to Paperless Post or Evites, a totally impersonal, definitely less-expensive, mode of sharing excitement, though we really doubt most people are choosing this option because of the cost factor. The tradition of hanging invitations on the refrigerator door or keeping them on one’s desk is almost gone with the wind.
Nina just sent a message to one of our children explaining why the PSE&G man did not show up for his appointment at our house. It would have been much easier to call and explain. Why is this happening? We guess that because we are in a world where everyone multitasks, it is easier to read a text while filling out a law brief, teaching a class, baking a cake or even, excuse us, in the bathroom. Help us to understand how this makes our life better.
Dr. Pelcovitz made the case for the necessity of personal interaction between parent and child at the dinner table, if nowhere else. Otherwise everyone sits looking at their phone instead of each other. How many tuck their children into bed with their phone still in their hand?
One story he told was of an 18-year-old girl who “stole” the afikoman, to the chagrin of her family members and younger cousins and siblings. When she bartered for the return of the matzah she asked for a dinner date with her father in the middle of the week, and her condition was that he not bring his phone. They spent three solid hours together laughing and enjoying each other’s company totally uninterrupted. As a result, they decided to do it weekly.
Rabbi Yaacov Horowitz related, at a conference Nina once attended, that no one in his family is allowed to have a phone nearby while they are eating. Is there really anything that is so important that it cannot wait? We lived our lives quite comfortably for many years without this craziness. Nina’s father traveled for business and called each night. He spoke with his clients by phone and no one needed immediate responses. We didn’t worry about our children not being in touch every hour on the hour. Please do not tell us that they were different times. There were similar, if not the same, types of horrors that could happen at any time. Living, in a sense, was much more relaxed even though everyone worked hard to make a living and to ensure that their families would have all the “comforts” necessary. Husbands and wives spent time talking to each other directly.
We noticed at the presentation that there were several people sitting near us who were still texting while the entire discussion was taking place. Despite all the warnings that were discussed, many still feel that what was discussed does not apply to them. Some said that nothing new was said. Wake up, world! No one is exempt from the possibility of their children becoming targeted by predators if they do not have filters on their phones. The sweetest little 12-year-old has no idea with whom she is really getting involved online. Certainly the same applies to young boys and teenagers. Again, a statistic brought forth by Dr. Pelcovitz: The greatest amount of pornography used on the internet is in the Bible Belt of the United States. Shocking? Not really, when you think about all the restrictions that have not been properly explained to our youth during their adolescent years.
Write us a letter, give us a call, meet us for coffee, come to our home for dinner, but please skip the text. We want to hear the warmth, the laughter, the pain in your voice, instead of receiving a cold, bland text message!
Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick are living in Bergenfield after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. They can be reached at [email protected].
