(This was written subsequent to the unthinkable loss of four young children in Yerushalayim, and the most untimely passing of Sara bat Reuven in our Teaneck community. May this Torah thought bring aliyot to their precious neshamot.)

Life and death being what they are, we have all had so many opportunities to say these three words. Baruch Dayan Emet—Blessed is the Judge of Truth. Said upon hearing that someone is niftar, it is our immediate and almost automatic response, expressing our acceptance that Hashem has decided to call a soul home.

The implications of our words, however, ripple further and deeper than that moment. On reflection, we are in fact confirming that the power of all judgments is to be ascribed to Hashem. Let us look at how we can put this into practice.

In the course of our daily lives, we frequently see others do or say something that arouses in us a sense of indignation. We may entertain thoughts and feelings that what the other is doing is not right. In that moment we are judging them negatively.

We are commanded, however, to judge each person favorably—haveh dan kol he’adam lekaf zchut. “Yes,” we may say to ourselves, “but THIS person is really not doing the right thing,” and thus begins the inner struggle to tune out yetzer hara, and to live as a Torah Jew; to respond to what we see and hear in the way we are exhorted to do. In fact, while we should try to correct wrongs in a way that does not compromise our adhering to this commandment, we should be making excuses that might explain adequately why what the person is doing could be either acceptable or even a good thing. (An invaluable resource in this regard is The Other Side of the Story, a book by Rebbetzin Yehudis Samet.)

A personal recollection: Some years ago I was purchasing foodstuff for a needy person. As I walked down the aisle of the supermarket, I pulled from the shelves items that this person had requested. Among them was turkey breast. As I reached for the kosher turkey, I realized I could buy the non-kosher version that was considerably less expensive, as the recipient was not Jewish. I furtively glanced around to make sure no-one was watching, and until I had checked out, I was so nervous that someone from the community might see me with non-kosher meat, and assume I was buying it for myself. I imagined the whispers …“She buys non kosher meat!” … a negative judgment of what was actually a kind and perfectly acceptable act!

It was an amazing lesson to be on the receiving end of potentially negative judgment. In that moment I was so thankful to belong to a people who have the positive commandment of judging others favorably!  Nevertheless, it is a real challenge when we see or feel something upsetting, especially when we are on the receiving end of hurtful behavior! This is a real test. The situation is ripe for the yetzer hara to nudge us to respond with negative thoughts, and worse, negative words or deeds.

Here is a unique opportunity! Whatever the challenging circumstances we are faced with, if we consider and utter the words Baruch Dayan Emet, we can restore our inner balance by turning away from judging others negatively, or even embracing favorable judgment! We can seize the moment to ascribe to Hashem the responsibility of judgment, and we are liberated from our negative response! It’s not our business! Hashem will take care of it. All we have to do is focus on our own inner response.

We have many choices. We can be silent in the face of insult, for which we are told there is enormous schar – reward on high, where it really counts. We can strengthen our spiritual muscles by seeing others with a positive eye, an ‘ayin tovah’, and acting in a way that builds relationships. We can foster achdut—the unity Hashem seeks between His children. We can practice Ahavat Chinam, baseless love, and add to the healing of rifts that caused the loss of our Batei Mikdash and the center of our holy lives in Eretz Yisrael. We can choose to turn our backs on internal geulah, exile from closeness with Hashem and His children. All these choices can build us as Torah Jews!

In the merit of our efforts to elect for the higher response to our challenges, may we be zocheh to merit long and healthy lives, closeness with our families and friends, and embrace and bless Hashem at every opportunity as the one True Judge, Dayan haEmet.

Rita Lewy is a veteran educator and lives with her family in Teaneck. She is currently a teacher at SAR Academy’s Early Learning Center (ELC)

By Rita Lewy