July 16, 2024
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July 16, 2024
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Advice on Raising Children

Highlighting: “The Power of Chinuch 2: Illuminating the Torah Path to Raising Great People” by Rabbi Meyer Yedid. ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications. 2022. Hardcover. 288 pages. ISBN-13: 978-1422632338.

(Courtesy of Artscroll) In “The Power of Chinuch,” Rabbi Mayer Yedid—a renowned educator, sought-after speaker and rav of Brooklyn’s thriving Congregation Shaare Zion—gave us insights, perspectives, and just plain good advice on how to raise caring, responsible children. In a new and important volume in the series, he continues to share his wisdom with parents—wisdom firmly grounded in Torah and in Rabbi Yedid’s profound understanding of both adults and children.

In “The Power of Chinuch 2,” parents (teachers, too!) will learn:

How to create confident, self-reliant children

How to discipline with love and rebuke effectively

How to make rules that work

How to create a home that is warm, loving, and secure

Combining Torah hashkafa and practical guidance, “The Power of Chinuch 2” is a must-read for parents seeking to successfully raise their children in an increasingly complex world.

The following is a brief excerpt from the new book, focusing on giving rebuke in a proper—and effective—manner.

  • • • • •

Don’t Open the Can of Worms

A common mistake some people make when delivering rebuke is that once they decide to address a behavioral issue with their child, they open up a can of worms and allow them all to wiggle out. “It’s not just this once,” they say. “I saw you do this last week, and three weeks ago, and two months ago. In fact, you have been doing this for years. I kept quiet until now, but you should know that this is something you always do.”

As if that’s not enough, they start to pile on other transgressions. “Not only did you get up late today, last week and three weeks ago, but yesterday, when you didn’t come home on time, you didn’t bother to call me so I wouldn’t worry about you. And why did you leave the expensive camera out last time you used it, so that the little children could destroy it? And why didn’t you vacuum the carpet on the steps two weeks ago, and five weeks ago?”

Rebuke is like surgery. When someone goes in for an appendectomy, no surgeon will say, “Hey, once we have him under anesthesia, we might as well perform sinus surgery.”

Each surgery that a person needs has to be handled on its own.

If you decide to rebuke your child for getting up late today, stick to today. Don’t bring up the past, because that’s just another way of saying, “You never get up on time.” Furthermore, it’s another way of expressing that you don’t believe that the child is capable of doing better, because if you have been tracking his infractions for the last three years, you obviously feel that this is so integral to who he is that he won’t be able to repair it.

Piling on non-related issues is just as bad, if not worse. When you tell a child that he has five issues to work on rather than sticking to the one you decided to address, you are basically telling him that you expect failure from him, because it would be right in line with all his other failures. And a child whose parents don’t believe in him cannot grow.

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