Jewish terminology is chock-full of antonyms. For example, in Hebrew the opposite of Yom (day) is Lilah (night), the opposite of Choshech (dark) is Or (light) and the opposite of Smol (left) is Yamin (right). Such opposites can be found in Yiddish too. For instance, one could argue that the opposite of mazal is tzuris, the opposite of menschy is chutzpah-dic and the opposite of kvell is kvetch.
Antonyms can be found in many other aspects of Jewish life. For example, one could argue that Sephardic is the opposite of Ashkenazic, a Purim Seudah is the opposite of Yom Kippur and the silent Amidah is the opposite of the Chazzan’s Repetition.
In the Jewish culinary world, some opposites are obvious, such as milchig and fleishig, which are opposites of each other and each also is an opposite of pareve. When it comes to specific kosher food items, some antonyms are less obvious but can be identified based on practical, everyday usage. For instance, given how most Jews assess a menu in a kosher deli, a viable argument could be made that the opposite of kneidlach is kreplach, the opposite of gefilte fish is chopped liver and the opposite of corned beef is pastrami.
Opposites also come into play with the names of kosher establishments. In Teaneck, New Jersey, The Humble Toast is a restaurant created by a chef who, as legend has it, once worked at another restaurant named The Arrogant Butcher. (True story.) Technically, however, the complete opposite of Arrogant Butcher is not Humble Toast. It is Humble Veterinarian, but that would be a highly confusing and inappropriate name for a fleishig restaurant. For the record, the complete opposite of Humble Toast is Arrogant English Muffin, but that assumes that “toast” refers to a piece of bread. Instead, a “toast” could be something that is orally proposed by a speaker to honor somebody when glasses are raised. In that case, the complete opposite of Humble Toast would be Arrogant Reprimand.
There are many other kosher restaurants in Teaneck and nearby towns with names that would be confusing if they appeared in antonym form. For example, the opposite of Teaneck Doghouse would be Coffeeankle Catcondo, which would be a strange and disturbing name for a restaurant.
Some kosher establishments have names that are relatively easy to flip to their opposites. The opposite of Glatt Express is Treif Slow, a highly problematic name in two respects. The opposite of Dougie’s is Deborah’s, the opposite of Sammy’s is Sarah’s and the opposite of EJ’s is JE’s. The opposite of Chopstix, when taking into account its “x” ending, is Forx.
Now let’s turn to some more challenging names of kosher establishments and their potential antonyms. The opposite of Schnitzel+ is GrilledCutlet- which, due to the minus, casts doubt on whether they even offer grilled cutlets.
The opposite of Noah’s Ark is Naomi’s Anchor, which also could be the title of a love-story between a wife named Naomi and her ever-reliable husband. The opposite of Poppy’s, at least from a bagel perspective, is Sesame’s, just like the opposite of Poppy’s is Prune’s from a hamantaschen perspective.
The opposite of Sushi Metsuyan is Sashimi Dreck. (In the world of sushi, the opposite of salmon arguably is tuna or spicy salmon.) The opposite of Rock & Roll Sushi and Noodle Bar is Classical Cooked Fish and Gnocchi High-End Restaurant. Admittedly, the term “noodle” does not have a clear antonym, but potato-based gnocchi comes close because, technically, it is a dumpling, not a pasta. Speaking of technicalities, rugelach are not cookies, bialys are not bagels and bourekas are not knishes.
The opposite of Lazy Bean Cafe would be Industrious Stalk Coffee-less Restaurant. The latter part of the name, “coffee-less restaurant,” clearly would be a turn-off for those seeking a cup of joe. The opposite of Sender’s Smoke Joint would be Receiver’s Fire Fine-Dining Restaurant, which actually does not sound wholly unappealing. The opposite of Butterflake is MargarineChunk, the opposite of Nobo is Bono (or Obon), the opposite of Filler Up is Empty‘em Down and the opposite of Wok 18 is Pan 81. The opposite of Chickies is not clear but, based on the age-old “Chicken or Beef?” inquiry at many catered affairs, a possible opposite to Chickie’s is Beefy’s.
The opposite of Sababa Grill is Not-So-Great Oven and the opposite of Heimish—A Full Shabbos Experience is Fancy Schmancy—A Partial Weekday Passing Moment. The opposite of Narruto Bowl is unclear. That said, the opposite of bowl is plate just like the opposite of siddur is chumash, the opposite of lulav is etrog and the opposite of mechitza is egalitarian.
Final thought: Opposites attract and contronyms confuse.
By Jon Kranz
