As a therapist, I spend my days helping others navigate life’s challenges, offering them tools and techniques to manage stress, anxiety and emotional upheaval. I guide my clients through tough transitions and encourage them to take care of their mental health. However, in the past three weeks, I have found myself in a position where I have had to practice what I preach more than ever before.

My husband and I made aliyah to Israel with our four young children, ages 5 1/2, 4, 2 1/2 and 10 months. I knew it would be a challenging adjustment, both physically and emotionally. That being said, there is only so much that one can prepare for in advance.

As a therapist, I often tell my clients that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions during big transitions and to not judge themselves for experiencing anxiety, fear or even sadness. Since our move, I’ve felt overwhelmed with both joy and pain. There have been tears (from all of us), moments of frustration, and questions like: “How will we get through this?” There have also been moments of immense gratitude to Hashem for allowing us the zechut to live in this beautiful country. Sometimes, it is hard for humans to accept the dichotomy of two intense feelings.

I’ve had to pause and use the very techniques I teach—mindful acceptance, self-compassion and letting go of perfection. I challenge myself with my own discomfort and uncertainty, especially when my kids are looking to me for reassurance.

Finding any semblance of routine amidst the chaos has been a challenge, yet building a structure to establish stability during times of change can be very impactful. In between unpacking, setting up a new household, and figuring out school schedules, I chose to start with small, manageable routines. I focused on just one or two predictable activities each day, like storytime before bed and cereal for breakfast. Even though life still feels chaotic, having these anchors has helped us all feel a little more grounded. I constantly remind myself that routines don’t have to be perfect to be effective.

Furthermore, I am quick to stress the importance of social support and community, especially during major life changes. After a particularly challenging day, I jumped right in and asked for help. How do I make a doctor’s appointment? What does this letter in my child’s backpack mean? These connections have become lifelines. We share advice, vent about our frustrations, and celebrate small wins, such as a successful supermarket run or having no tears in the morning before gan.

Something many people, myself included, struggle with during difficult transition times is overgeneralization. One kid has a bad day at school, and my brain jumps to thinking I may have chosen the wrong school. I can’t find the equivalent of parmesan cheese in the Israeli supermarket, and for the rest of the ride home, I am stuck in a rut of overall discomfort and stress.

I have been implementing breathing and grounding techniques to help refocus my day and remind myself to be in the present. My go-to is clenching my fists together for five seconds while taking a deep breath in and embracing my anxious thoughts. I then slowly release my fists while exhaling my helpful thoughts for another five to seven seconds. Everyone has different things that help keep them calm. I have been noticing the small, beautiful moments: the stunning Israeli sunset over our mirpeset, the secular Israeli wishing me “Shabbat Shalom” at the checkout counter, and the dozens of strangers welcoming me back home and offering a home-cooked dinner while we settle in.

There are days when I feel like I’m failing—when I lose my patience, when the house is in disarray, or when I see my children struggle. It’s so easy to slip into self-criticism and forget to give myself the same grace I offer my clients.

This experience has taught me that balancing major life changes and managing emotional well-being is a complex, ongoing process. It requires patience, self-compassion and the willingness to practice the very things I encourage others to do.

To anyone else going through a life change, whether it is a new move, a new school, a career shift or another life journey, I say this: It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to not always follow your own advice perfectly. What matters is that you keep trying and keep finding moments of beauty and gratitude. In the end, it’s not about doing everything right; it’s about embracing the messy, beautiful journey and remembering that we’re all a work in progress.

Yael Bernstein, LCSW PMH-C services clients virtually in NY, NJ, FL, GA and in Israel. Yael attended the Wurzweiler School of Social Work where she earned her MSW and went on to receive her LCSW as well as the PMH-C for Maternal Mental Health. Yael has extensive experience working with teens and adults struggling with various mental health challenges and complicated family dynamics. Yael can be reached at [email protected] or 954-579-3479 to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.