Aryeh Natan Glassman,

June 12, 1988-May 15, 2016.

Died of a heroin overdose.

Aryeh is my son. He lit up the room when he entered it. He had bright blue eyes and a magnificent smile. I will no longer get to see that smile. Heroin took his life.

My Ari was a product of a Modern Orthodox home. We gave him everything he could possibly want or need. Ari was athletic, very popular and extremely bright. He was a handsome young man who was exceedingly charming. Ari loved to read, to play sports—his favorite was hockey. He played the piano and he loved to cook. He had a giving nature. Ask any of Ari’s friends about him, and they would say, “Ari was my best friend. He always had my back!” Ari seemed to have many best friends, and that’s because he would make everyone feel special, as though they were the most important person to him.

Ari went to yeshiva from the time he was 3 years old through high school. Why do I tell you this? Because I never thought I would lose a child to drugs. Why would it even occur to me? As far as I was concerned, drug abuse only existed in the outside world. Drug addicts came from the public schools, the broken homes, the families where abuse occurs, the poor who live in the slums, homes where there is a lack of education, etc. We, as part of the Orthodox community, couldn’t possibly be touched by the drug world. But we are.

Drug use is rampant among the yeshivos, and few are willing to acknowledge it. Students leave school during lunch breaks to use drugs, and somehow no one is the wiser. Where are the administrators and the teachers? Where are the parents?

Drug addiction does not discriminate by race, religion or gender. Unfortunately, it affects us all, one way or the other. Sadly, many in the Orthodox community don’t believe it could happen to them. Unfortunately, my family is an example of the fact that it can.

As I said before, Ari was a beautiful boy. He had a lot of spirit and energy. While sitting through shivah, I got to really know my son even better than I thought I knew him. His vivaciousness and lust for life, his loyalty to those who were his friends, were the running theme of all those who came to comfort us while we were mourning.

My son died of a heroin overdose and I am grieving. Where do I go from here? How do I deal with the death of my first-born child? As I looked at the friends and family who had come to visit during the shivah period, I realized that if I don’t want others to suffer the pain and anguish that we are going through, I needed to do something. Even during this mourning period, I knew that I would have to make Ari’s death count for something.

God puts us on this earth with a specific mission. Once the mission is completed, He calls us back. I believe that Ari’s mission here, in this world, has been completed and now he has gone home. He suffered tremendously, and I know he wanted to quit his drug use, but he just didn’t have the strength to fight the demons that were driving him. He was a resident of at least six rehabilitation centers, here and in the Midwest. He was in a sober-living facility at least twice, and he attended outpatient therapy many times, but to no avail.

While I can’t help my son any longer, I would like to try to help other parents who are going through this with their children. As Orthodox Jewish parents, we need to understand that drug addiction can and does happen in our communities. We need to stop denying the prevalence of this disease in the Orthodox communities, and deal with prevention and assistance to those in need. We shouldn’t be ashamed if we have a child who is at risk or actually using. Drug addiction is a disease not unlike any other. Would you be ashamed of your child if he had diabetes or cancer? Parents have to understand that drug addiction is at epidemic proportions in the Orthodox community. We need to deal with the disease, get help, and talk about it.

Drug addiction is so prevalent in our society that it is done out in the open. Children leave yeshiva campuses for lunch breaks and come back to class high. Yeshivos have to educate their teachers and staff regarding how to spot a child who is not acting right. Yeshivos need to incorporate drug programming in the weekly curriculum and drug counselors as part of the staff. These counselors would be able to spot a child at risk or an addict and help both the child and the parents.

Students need to be taught that if they see their peers involved in using drugs, they must contact an adult, whether a parent, a staff member or a counselor, for help. And most importantly, a student who is at risk or using should not be expelled from the yeshiva system. What kind of statement does that make to both parents and students? Our children need help and guidance—not rejection.

Drug use occurs for a variety of reasons, one of which is low self-esteem. We as Jews are supposed to take care of our own. How are we taking care of our own children if we reject them? It’s time for the Orthodox community to wake up and start taking care of its own.

I write this article in memory of a beautiful young man whose life ended much too soon. My dearest Ari, may your neshamah have an aliyah.

This article was originally printed in the The Five Town Jewish Times. Reprinted with permission.

By Rebecca Glassman