Upon completion of the Mishkan’s inauguration and the first day of the sacrificial service, our parsha (9:23) says that “Moshe and Aharon came to the Ohel Moed.”

Rashi explains that the reason they went to the Ohel Moed was because of the following: “Once Aharon saw that all the offerings had been brought, and all the acts [of the Mishkan service] had been performed, but the Shechina had not descended to [Bnei] Yisrael, he was distressed, and said, “I know that the Holy One, Blessed is He, has become angry with me (because of the incident of the Golden Calf), and because of me the Shechina did not descend to [Bnei Yisrael].’ He said to Moshe, ‘Moshe, my brother! Thus have you done to me, that I entered (the matter of performing the service), and I was embarrassed (because the Shechina did not descend).’ Thereupon, Moshe entered (the Ohel Moed) with him, and they sought [i.e., prayed for,] (Hashem’s) mercy.”

It seems that Aharon blamed Moshe for the humiliation he experienced. Yet, as Rav Henoch Leibowitz wonders, what claim did Aharon have on Moshe already? After all, the reason why Moshe had Aharon perform the service was because that’s what Hashem commanded, as it states, “Moshe said to Aharon: ‘Come near to the Altar and perform the service … as Hashem has commanded’”! So what is there to blame Moshe for?

Rav Leibowitz seems to explain that although Moshe had to relay to Aharon Hashem’s command that Aharon enter (to perform the service), nevertheless there is still a claim on Moshe because Aharon’s embarrassment came about because of him and, therefore, Moshe was held responsible to remedy Aharon’s humiliation (Chiddushei Halev, Shemini, 9:23).

I think we can assume that Moshe had no intentions to cause his brother whom he loved so much distress and embarrassment; yet, Moshe was seemingly taken to task and was held responsible for causing Aharon’s humiliation, despite the fact that it was caused incidentally and indirectly, as Moshe had to relay to Aharon Hashem’s command.

Our parsha relates the tragedy of the death of Aharon’s two sons—Nadav and Avihu. The midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 20:9) cites Abba Chanan who says that they died because they did not have wives. R’ Levi (ibid, 20:10) explains: “[The reason why they did not marry is because] they were [prideful and] arrogant. Many women were sitting [in a] forlorn [state], waiting [to be picked by Nadav and Avihu for marriage]. But what were Nadav and Avihu saying? ‘Our father’s brother (Moshe) is a king; our mother’s brother (Nachshon) is a prince; our father (Aharon) is a Kohen Gadol; and we are Deputy Kohanim Gedolim—what women is [of sufficient stature to be] fitting for us’”?

Rav Leibowitz asks: Why were Nadav and Avihu punished for causing many women to sit in a forlorn state? Did Nadav and Avihu tell these women to sit and wait for them? Nadav and Avihu did not want or intend to get married! Hence, wasn’t it these women who brought their distress upon themselves?!

Rav Leibowitz explains that we learn from here that a person is held accountable for all the ramifications and results that stem from his [improper] actions. Even in this case where Nadav and Avihu did not want or intend to marry any of these women, and it was essentially the women who brought upon themselves their anguish, nevertheless, since Nadav and Avihu’s decision to refrain from getting married consequently gave way to the distress of these women, they are held accountable for it, despite the fact that Nadav and Avihu didn’t even intend to cause them distress (Chiddushei Halev, Shemini, 10:2).

We can perhaps learn from both of these episodes in our parsha the severity of causing another person emotional pain, and thus how careful, calculated and thought-out we need to be in our dealings with others—to be mindful of and to take into account the other person’s feelings and ensure as much as possible that our actions within interpersonal situations don’t ultimately cause others to experience emotional pain.

Binyamin is a graduate of Yeshivas Rabbeinu Yitzchak Elchanan, and Wurzweiler School of Social Work.