On October 12, 2023 I received a phone call from a concerned mother whose eldest son was getting called up to join the war. She had asked if I could speak with her son who was in the midst of packing his bags to go. When I spoke with him he told me that he was afraid of what he was going to see, being that his job would be to identify bodies. He also shared with me his concerns of how his newborn child, wife, parents and siblings would deal with the stress.
Months later, upon resuming to meet with this chayal, he shared his struggles to reintegrate into civilian life: His now 10-month-old baby refused to be comforted by him, he struggled to connect deeply with his wife, his parents’ constant checking in on him made him feel as though he was a pity case, and he heard that his siblings were acting out in school and getting into trouble.
This experience of going out to war not only affected the soldier himself, but multiple generations of family members.
Intergenerational trauma, unfortunately, is not something that Jews are unfamiliar with. Studies have shown that negative effects on the mental health of children of Holocaust survivors can be due to genetic transmission, psychological and social factors.
A “single experience” of trauma can have innumerable ripple effects on the individual and their families. For example, a soldier going out to war may experience physical, emotional and social traumas. Additionally, while they are away at war, their spouses may feel forced to “forget” or “not think about them” as a means of getting through each day. After doing so for many months, reconnecting to their spouse becomes difficult.
Their children may feel slighted that their parents have left them and can’t fathom why they may have done so. They may question “Did I make them leave?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Or perhaps their children are older and can understand why their parents aren’t there but are unsure of how to process and work through the sadness and longing. The soldier’s siblings are both worried about their sibling and also experiencing anxiety and sadness from their parents in the home. Not receiving as much attention, they may act out in school as a way of dealing with their anxiety and anger.
The extent of the trauma can extend far beyond just the immediate family as well. In communities where war and conflict are a collective experience, such as the current situation in Israel, intergenerational trauma becomes a shared social phenomenon. This collective trauma can shape societal norms, values and behaviors, reinforcing a cycle of anxiety, depression and panic across generations.
While the impact of intergenerational trauma is profound, it is not irreversible. Healing can begin with understanding and acknowledging the deep roots of trauma within families and communities. Therapy, both for individuals and families, plays a critical role in addressing the emotional and psychological effects of trauma. Approaches such as trauma-informed therapy, which recognizes the complex ways trauma affects individuals and their relationships, can help break the cycle of transmission.
The same holds true for individuals who have suffered from traumatic experiences other than war. Targeted interventions—such as support groups, family counseling and situation-specific mental health services—can provide crucial pathways to healing. By addressing the trauma within the family unit, it becomes possible to disrupt the transmission of emotional pain to future generations.
Max Kirshblum, LCSW, is the clinical director at Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy LLC. He has seasoned experience working with adolescents, young adults, and family units impacted by trauma and has developed and presented multiple training programs on the topics of domestic violence and sexual abuse for clergy and community education programs. For more information about Max or to schedule an appointment with him, visit www.collaborativeminds.net/max-kirshblum
