I attended my third Bergen County Kerem Shalom Unity Mission last week, as the only participant in addition to Rabbi Daniel Fridman who attended all 3 missions. Attending these missions and meeting the exceptional people from Kerem Shalom has truly changed my life and I therefore cannot seem to stay away. Kerem Shalom is the closest kibbutz on the border of Gaza and Egypt, literally 40m from Rafah and its members have been displaced since Oct 7 and still don’t have a clear timeline of when they will be able to return home. What continues to be a highlight of these missions for me is coming back to visit and provide chizuk to the members of Kerem Shalom, some of whom I now see as my extended family, and leading fun activities for the kids of Kerem Shalom.

Another high point of this mission for me and many of the participants was hearing from a woman with unbelievable strength, Iris Haim, mother of Yotam Haim HY”D, who was taken hostage on Oct 7, then later escaped and was accidentally killed by the IDF. But if you ask Iris, Yotam was killed by Hamas and she told the IDF soldiers involved that she didn’t blame them and they needed to return to the important work they were doing, fighting the terrorists and protecting Israel. She has also used this opportunity to speak out to many and focus on rebuilding unity within Am Yisroel, a theme that aligns with Kerem Shalom perfectly. They are a unique kibbutz, with “dati” and “chiloni” living together in harmony and with utmost respect, also now working hard to spread the message of “achdut” and tolerance.

A key takeaway for me from this mission was the concept that kept coming up regarding focusing on an individual’s efforts and positive choices made in difficult times, not necessarily on the outcomes, which is a great lesson for us all. Iris spoke to this since Yotam was able to free himself, regardless of what happened next, which made him a hero. Similarly, Ohad Lapidot, father of Tiferet Lapidot, HY”D, spoke about the choice Tiferet made to stay back and not escape from the Nova Festival attack on Oct 7 when she had the opportunity, in order to find her friend; he was proud of her selflessness, even if it may have led to her death. Idan, a soldier who was injured in Lebanon who we met at the Haddasah Har Tzofim rehab center, remained in high spirits because he spoke about the choice he made to put himself in the crossfire with terrorists, when he was shot, in order to save his unit.

This mission occurred at a complex time for Israel, a time filled with mixed emotions, even as we were there, with hopeful news of hostage returns, as well as the devastating return of a few hostages who didn’t survive. It is also a time of complex, conflicted decisions for many in the country, including the members of Kerem Shalom. They are in the process of rebuilding, renovating their homes, improving security, defense and medical facilities and other aspects of the kibbutz to ensure they can return when they are given the green light. However, many members are struggling with the decision to return as exemplified by a close friend, who I am choosing to keep anonymous. I sat with her at dinner at Kerem Shalom and when we heard rockets/weapons firing nearby from Gaza, she seemed alarmed because of the ceasefire and instead of assuming it was the IDF running drills, she suggested it could be Hamas slowly inching closer and the IDF shooting at them to keep them back. It was clear to me how traumatized she was, understandably of course, by everything they have lived through. But then on the other side of it, I watched her face light up when she spoke about how comfortable and at home her youngest child was at Kerem Shalom, even though she was only a baby when they previously lived there, and when she spoke about the renovations they were making to their home, and simply when she spoke about living in Kerem Shalom, its beauty, the bond of the community and a future when they can return home. The dichotomy of the 2 sets of emotions was clear, as well as the struggle regarding the decision this family and all the families need to make regarding wanting to versus actually being able to return for themselves and their kids. All I could do, all any of us could do, is continue to provide chizuk and support and without judgement during these times that continue to be difficult, although in different ways than earlier in the war. As a takeaway message, whether you are able to attend a mission or in many other ways, our role continues to be to נושא העול חברו, help carry the burden of our brothers and sisters in Israel.

Pearl Rawson is the Head of Regulatory Labeling & Advertising/Promotion at Regeneron. She lives in Teaneck with her husband and three daughters.