The Torah obligates parents in Chinuch, to prepare their children to live as observant Jews (Sukkah 42). Moreover, we are not allowed to feed children (ketanim) forbidden items (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 343:1). Parents wonder at what age to train their children to refrain from eating dairy after meat.
The Ashkenazic Approach
Ashkenazim fundamentally believe that one may eat dairy after finishing a meat meal. It is only a custom for Ashkenazim to wait six hours (and three hours for Jews of German-Jewish descent). Hence, Ashkenazic Poskim also rule that a choleh (sick individual) may suffice with waiting an hour after meat if dairy is necessary (Pitchei Teshuva Y.D 89:3, citing Teshuvot Chatam Sofer 73, Chochmat Adam 40:13, and the Aruch HaShulchan Y.D. 89:7). This leniency applies even if they are only moderately ill. The Ashkenazic custom was not intended for cases of even moderate illness.
Thus, since the Halacha regards even a healthy child as a choleh (the Rama O.C. 276:1 and 328:17), a katan can have dairy within six hours if necessary.
The Sephardic Approach
However, for Sepharadim, the six-hour wait is a rabbinic requirement that seemingly cannot be readily waived. However, Rav Ovadia Yosef (Teshuvot 1: Yabia Omer 4) arrives at the same lenient conclusion based on a s’feik s’feika. One safek is perhaps that the Halacha follows the Rishonim, who do not require a six-hour wait between meat and dairy. Second, maybe the Halacha follows the Rashba (Teshuvot 1:92, cited by the Ran, Yoma 1a; unlike the Rambam Hilchot Ma’achalot Asurot 17:27) that we are permitted to serve a katan food that is only forbidden rabbinically if necessary for the child. Hacham Benzion Abba Shaul (cited in Kashrut in the Kitchen, page 28) adopts a similar flexible approach regarding children and the six-hour wait.
Although both prongs of this s’feik s’feika run counter to the Shulchan Aruch’s rulings, Rav Ovadia legitimates such a s’feik s’feika in this and other contexts (such as Teshuvot Yechave Da’at 5:54).
What Age to Begin?
Although these poskim permit dairy within six hours, they do not set specific ages to begin training children to wait. Some more recent poskim established particular protocols.
One prominent posek establishes the following rules: 1) Children under three need not wait. 2) Children from three to six should wait at least one hour and add more as they age. 3) Children from six to nine should be encouraged to wait six hours, but they may suffice with three if it is difficult to wait six hours. 4) Children nine and above should wait six hours.
Another well-known posek presents a more lenient protocol: 1) Children until three need not wait. 2) Children between three and 10 should wait at least an hour between meat and dairy meals. Regarding snacks, children in this age group should be more stringent according to the parents’ judgment. 3) From age 11 until bar mitzvah, wait six hours.
By contrast, Rav Moshe Feinstein (cited in Shema Bni, page 128) does not offer such specific timelines. Rather, he leaves it to the parents’ discretion as to what their children can endure and gradually accustomize them to the six-hour wait.
Conclusion
The Gemara (Yoma 83a) cites the pasuk in Mishlei (14:10) that teaches “lev yodei’a marat nafsho, a person knows his needs.” Similarly, a parent knows their children’s needs and should be the ones to decide how best to help them get used to the six-hour interval between meat and dairy. This is how my wife Malca successfully guided our children to wait, which is what I recommend to parents.
However, others are more comfortable with set guidelines and can follow one of the two protocols set forth above.
Rabbi Jachter serves as the rav of Congregation Shaarei Orah, rebbe at Torah Academy of Bergen County, and a get administrator with the Beth Din of Elizabeth. Rabbi Jachter’s 17 books may be purchased at Amazon and Judaica House.
