We are amazed by the fact that we celebrated the bris of our 13th great-grandchild this past Shabbat in Chicago. It is almost as difficult to write those words as it is to tell anyone that we have all of these beautiful great-grandchildren. Why would anyone think that such a z’chut is difficult to say? Somehow the connotation of being a great-grandparent is being up there in age! People definitely look at us differently when the words come out. They have a hard time believing it. Comments are made such as, “You look so young.” That might connote that we are old or getting old. Yet certainly we do not feel that way. We are grateful that we have had the ability to see our children marry, have their own children and raise beautiful families. As their children have grown, we have been fortunate to see them marry and produce families, and the cycle continues. At some point or other we have to acknowledge that we are actually getting older. It is necessary to step back and give over the miraculous role of being a grandparent to our children. Great grandparents participate in a different way. It is important to allow our own children to embrace the role and enjoy what we did for such a long time. We are fortunate that we have established a warm, close relationship with our own beautiful grandchildren and now their spouses. We do not doubt in any way that our feelings of love and wondrousness will ever change. However, it is up to the next generation to enjoy their new role.
Getting back to the aging phenomenon, we are not sure if it is a man/woman thing, but certainly it is easier for one of us to deal with than the other. It seems that women face the aging phenomenon with more angst. Those creases that suddenly appear on arms and hands, maybe even one or two on the neck. Are we imagining them or are they for real? We all know that out of the mouths of babes come some welcome and unwelcome comments. On Shabbat, Meira, our 3-year-old great-granddaughter, mentioned to Nina that her “neck was funny.” Nina was not sure what exactly she meant but decided not to pursue the conversation. She was not interested in hearing what led Meira to that belief.
How often are we all exposed to the news that a young person has passed away, either from an illness or quite suddenly? It shakes us to the core, especially if it is someone we know. Within the past two weeks we heard about a friend whose granddaughter married a young man whose father had passed away four years ago at a relatively young age, leaving his wife with 11 children to raise. The youngest was 4 years old. This past Shabbat we heard of a tragedy in Baltimore in which a man, while sitting shiva for his father, suddenly passed away.
What we are feeling is the good fortune that we all have in reaching whatever age we do. The tenuousness of life and the everyday stories that we hear make us realize once again the importance of making the best of every day. Perhaps it is time to change the way that we look at the aging process. Creases and wrinkles should be considered an asset instead of a detriment. How many didn’t have the opportunity to allow their bodies to age with grace? How fortunate we are to be in a position where we can now step back and watch as our children reap the benefits of being grandparents. Every stage in life comes with its challenges and beauty. None of us can feel sorry when we relinquish the job of diapering young children to their eager grandparents. We were there, we did it and now that honor goes to someone else. How many of us can now run through the park with a kite attached to our hands? That honor, too, now goes to the grandparents. We were there and we did it. Now it is someone else’s turn.
At the very beginning of our great-grandchildren stage it was definitely more difficult to come to terms with our new role. Our eldest great-grandchild, Chaviva, is now 7 years old. We are thrilled for her that she has beloved grandparents who are young and fun and can fill the roles we used to play. We know that we can still fill a certain niche. We think that she would concur that we are “fun” as well, but we know exactly what our boundaries and capabilities are. At this point we are fully prepared to accept them and to shep the nachat that is a blessing in our lives all of the time.
Aging in this fashion is really not so bad at all!
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
