A parent’s job involves doing a lot for their children, and sometimes inspiring them means even more. A friend told me he builds three sukkahs for his family—one off the kitchen for his family to eat in, one on a porch to sleep in, and one off a guest bedroom for his son-in-law and daughter. He told me that growing up in Brooklyn, his sukkah was very small and hard to sleep in. His father used to always sigh, saying how he dreamed of a sukkah in which he could easily sleep. He told me that his father’s yearning sigh and dream to sleep inside the sukkah instilled in him the desire to make it happen when he would have the opportunity to do so. A parent and rebbe’s actions—and their stated hopes—make a large impression on the child/student. This lesson is expressed in Parshas Lech Lecha.
Lot was taken captive and Avraham went to rescue him. The pasuk says, “Vayarreik es chanichav” and he took 318 men. Rashi explains that the word chanichav is spelled chanicho—which means, “he that Avraham had trained.” This refers to Eliezer, who was Avraham’s trusted student and servant. Although the pasuk says Avraham took 318 men, it is actually referring to Eliezer, whose name has the numerical value of 318.
Rashi explains that the word chinuch means “to establish the start of something, to continue in the proper direction.” This is how we train our children and students. It’s also how we train people for a new position or trade. In business, it’s called “onboarding.”
Rav Hirsch explains that in the Hebrew language, root words that share the same first two letters (but have different last letters) have connected meanings. For example, the Hebrew word malak with a kuf at the end of the word means to “cut off” the connection of the head from the body. When one exchanges the letter kuf at the end of the word with the letter chaf, it spells melech—a king. A person must follow the direction of the king. The king leads and directs his people, but in a well-guided manner. A king sets limits in order to establish a proper direction.
The Hebrew word chanak means to strangle. When one exchanges the letter kuf at the end of the word with the letter chaf it spells chinuch, to train. The letter chaf has a softer pronunciation than the letter kuf and so its definition is softer. Chinuch also sets limits on the person being trained, but those limits help mold and develop him correctly for that position.
On the other hand, chinuch that imposes extra restrictions without proper basis, can transform chinuch into chinuk– constriction or strangulation. Then, the child feels constricted and no longer learns the correct lessons.
The Gemara has a different definition of the word chanichav. Rebbe Eliezer says Avraham was punished by his children being doomed to be slaves in Mitzrayim for 210 years. Why? Because he conscripted talmidei chachamim to help him fight for Lot. The Ran explains that Avraham emptied them out of the beis hamedrash to fight and he got punished for it. Avraham should have found an alternative to save his nephew Lot—not enlisting 318 scholars, or even just Eliezer.
Avraham was punished harshly because he was the rebbe and he was setting a precedent for the future regarding what is considered correct behavior. Avraham was responsible to train his students properly on how to lead their lives. Therefore, if there was something even minutely incorrect in his teaching, the students would learn to do something incorrectly. In training a child or student, a single incorrect teaching can imprint an improper lesson for life. Even a slight deviation from the correct path can have a huge negative impact.
Chinuch has to be done properly. Bad instruction or incorrect modeling trains the student or child to act…incorrectly! However, even small acts of proper chinuch can leave a major positive impression on our children. The child will yearn to learn the Torah and do the mitzvos and feel he is going in the proper direction. He won’t feel constrained and will in fact feel empowered to dream and to act in the service of Hashem and His Torah!
Rabbi Baruch Bodenheim is the associate rosh yeshiva of Passaic Torah Institute (PTI)/Yeshiva Ner Boruch. Rabbi Bodenheim can be reached at [email protected]. For more info about PTI and its Torah classes, visit www.pti.shulcloud.com
