Dating is not easy. It can be abundantly awkward, especially a first date that begins to go south. Granted, plenty of happily married couples will regale you with stories of their disastrous first dates, which proves that even if a first date is the worst date, it may not be your last date with that person.
With that said, some first dates, like some dance routines, start out on the wrong foot and tragically end in disaster. There is no predicting or accounting for these unpleasant dating moments. They are just part of the seemingly haphazard pinball game that is life. But don’t stop playing; just use your flippers.
The first step in coping with a not-so-good first date is recognizing that you are on one. For illustrative purposes, here are some hypothetical (i.e., completely fabricated) examples of when a first date goes awry:
Date #1
A: What are your dislikes?
B: Questions, conversations and interactions.
A: What do you like?
B: Solitude and silence.
A: So then why are you dating?
B: My parents are forcing me.
Date #2
A: Have you gone out on a lot of dates?
B: No, this is my first one.
A: Why is that?
B: You’re the first person to say yes.
Date #3
A: You remind me of someone I know.
B: Who?
A: My arch nemesis.
Date #4
A: Wow, you don’t look anything like your photos on-line.
B: Really? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
A: It’s a confusing thing.
B: How so?
A: In the photos, you are not wearing an ankle monitor.
B: Which reminds me, I need to check in with my probation officer.
Date #5
A: Which one of us is paying for dinner?
B: Why is that important?
A: Because if you’re paying, then I’m ordering a three hundred dollar bottle of wine.
B: And what if I’m not paying?
A: Then tap water will do.
Date #6
A: Do you have any hobbies?
B: I collect things.
A: Like what?
B: Oh, just run-of-the-mill stuff like two-seater unicycles, fake moustaches, outdated technology and damaged goods.
Date #7
A: I have a checkered past.
B: You were in prison?
A: No, I was obsessed with playing checkers.
B: That’s fine. I love playing board games.
A: Twenty-fours a day, seven days a week?
B: No, but hey, at least you’re not playing checkers right now on our date.
A: Actually… KING ME!
Date #8
A: Have you been married before?
B: Only five times.
A: Why didn’t those other marriages work out?
B: Probably because I’m a lunatic and impossible to live with. Anyway, let’s order, shall we? I hear the duck here is sublime.
A: I think I lost my appetite.
Date #9
A: How long did your last relationship last?
B: Until about five minutes ago.
A: You just broke up with someone?
B: Yup.
A: Who?
B: My bashert.
A: Why would you do that?
B: Because if that person truly is my bashert, then eventually we’ll get back together.
A: That is both logical and idiotic.
B: That’s me!
Date #10
A: Are you close with your family?
B: I sort of have to be.
A: Why is that?
B: Because I still live at home.
A: Do your parents mind?
B: Yes, they do.
A: How do you know that?
B: They tell me every single day.
Sometimes a first date can appear to be going rather smoothly, with both participants getting along quite swimmingly. At date’s end, however, things can still fall apart rather abruptly. Here are a few unfortunate hypothetical examples of how a date can end on a sour note:
Date #11
A: Would you like to go out next Saturday night?
B: Yes I would, assuming I find someone worthy.
Date #12
A: Would you like me to escort you home?
B: No thanks. I’d rather take my chances.
Date #13
A: Did you have fun?
B: It depends how you define “fun.”
Date #14
A: Do you think we have chemistry?
B: No. We have physics.
A: How so?
B: Well, you like me, right?
A: Yes, I do.
B: So, in physics, for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction.
Date #15
A: Is it just me or was this date really fantastic?
B: It’s just you.
Date #16
A: Can I have your e-mail address?
B: Sure, it’s [email protected].
Date # 17
A: Do you believe in love at first sight?
B: Yes and hopefully one day I’ll experience it.
Date #18
A: This has been the best date I’ve ever had!
B: That makes one of us.
Bottom-line: If the truth hurts, then dating stings.
