Before we begin—as an aside—those who read our column regularly know that last week we wrote about the danger involved in the street in front of Beth Abraham at the corner of Newbridge and Westminster. Last Friday night a child was hit by a car at that intersection. B”H he was not injured. But believe us, his parents and everyone around were injured mentally and will be for quite a while. This is a situation that needs to be dealt with before it is too late.
We had some jolting reminders in the past of the fact that although we think we might have some control over our destinies we really do not. Everything is in the hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Wonderful friends of ours living in Montreal had planned for their retirement for years. He was a brilliant scientist, head of a major research institute in Montreal and she a well-known radiologist. As one of her many duties she was the chief radiologist at the Breast Center at the Jewish General Hospital. They always lived comfortably. They have a country home in the Eastern Townships, a home in Florida and their comfortable main dwelling in Montreal. Both of them tendered their resignations many years before the dates were actually going to happen, as their positions were such that they needed to do so. Shortly before he retired he started to show signs of Parkinson’s Disease. Her retirement was scheduled for three years after his. By the time she reached her retirement he was falling down the stairs in their home about 25 times a day. He was no longer the person he had been. His persona was totally different. All of their plans of travel, golfing much more frequently and spending longer periods of time at their country homes were no longer feasible. Suddenly she was faced with the painful task of placing him in a long-term facility. A total tragedy. What happened to all of their dreams? In reality, they dreamt about them for too long before bringing them to fruition.
A close friend of ours who is in his 40s was recently diagnosed with a horrendous disease called Anca Vasculitis. Naturally, none of us had ever heard of it—nor had he or his wife. They are a couple with five children living in Boston. Their children range in age from 14 to 23. Every drop of their life has turned upside down. The disease presented itself quite rapidly and by the time he was diagnosed he was told that had a treatment not begun he would have died within two weeks. He has since had five infusions of some kind. They are hoping that he will go into remission. When he asked the doctor whether or not the treatments can cause a full recovery he was told that they are aiming for remission at this time, No, this is not cancer. It is a form of an autoimmune deficiency disease. Within two weeks his young children saw their vibrant father become almost unable to walk. Dreams? Yes, of course, they had the natural ones that we all have. They planned on walking their children to the chupah. He planned on spending many nights discussing divrei Torah with his children and playing ball with the boys. They looked forward to the day when their lives would be more simple. Perhaps his business pressures would not be as great. Now what? Never ever did they imagine such a thing could happen.
Finally, on an even more personal note, Nina remembers when she was with her father in the hospital on a Friday and the doctor came and told her that he would not live through the night. She immediately called her brother to tell him the devastating news and his response almost immediately was, “What do you mean? I still have so many things that I want to tell him.”
The time to say things is now. The time to share appreciation and love should not be put off. The opportunity might never arise. How many people delay retiring because they feel the great urgency to continue working? In many cases the mantra is that the office will never manage without them. Trust us, every person is replaceable, no matter who you are and what you do. How many fathers must work on a Sunday when in actual fact they might be able to take off a few hours to spend with their children or their spouse?
We implore everyone not to wait until it is too late to appreciate moments that one day may suddenly be stolen from you. We need to fit the time in as much as possible—sometimes just seconds or minutes. No one knows what the future holds. There is no discrimination between healthy and sick, wealthy and struggling, young and old. Today is the most important day of our lives; live it to its fullest.
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
